Zion - the Utopian World around us!

A lonely life!!

2010-12-10T21:43:00.004+05:30

Hi there people....i hope that you all still remember me as one of the members of this blog because I have really forgotten when did I post last.Well, I am at Mumbai at present doing something...umm.....something important and worth the salary I get at the end of the month I guess.But life is too tremendously lonely,i laugh,I cry , I be happy sometimes with no one to care for or give me a look.I miss my home, the warmth of my parents' care and love( I am the younger child and have had all those not so necessary priviledges).I miss my naughty nephew and my dear li'l niece tremendously...am missing her growing years(wail!!). And I miss my home environment, my room, my bed, my PC, my mirror...God!, the list is long and I miss every other li'l thing. My mom's home cooked food-God, it was such a treat.Here people are so different, the entire culture just knows how to run be it trains or their jobs.The environment is very competitive, but the work culture is damn robust.People work at the speed of light and enjoy office like hell.They even celebrate all their festivals at office....diwali,navratri( I danced with my boss at the dandiya,imagine!!).People here are warm otherwise, though they push a lot on trains,they are damn crowded and I consider myself lucky if I get a foot on the footboard).The culture here is quite cosmo,people are free to adapt to any situation and they travel on trains right after the day of the bolmb blast.....The spirit is indomitable!!...and the young crowd is hep!!....HEY,one minute have I started to say that I like Mumbai??....Oh , God am sooooo confused....sumtimes I miss home but at other times I feel like swaying myself in the true spirit of Mumbai!!

This is a post-it thank you note to my life from me. Somehow I think you can relate it to you too..

2009-11-05T21:58:00.000+05:30

Its my life, it might be boring sometimes, it might be dull, tired, happy, blissful, blank once in a while, or whatever contrasting adjectives can be applied here, ultimately i have realized that it IS my life and i have to make it interesting, the onus fall on me and me only. There is nobody else to blame if something goes wrong, there is only one person to give credit if everything goes right. My life might be devoid of emotion sometimes, might be flooded with emoticons sometimes or clouded with pollution once in a while, i am grateful that whatever super power (if he is there!) has given me this opportunity to spend time with my loved ones and i am not going to waste even a precious second to falter just because i am sad or not feeling exactly what happy people call "Euphoria".

Small things can make me happy, be it a little post it note in front of the fridge or a sweet nothing in my ear, or a simple thank you for something i have done. I think i have done something good in my life, because i stumbled in my life once in a while but it has been good as a whole. Life's obstacles has actually proven to be bliss to me so far, i have realized and set proper priority in both my professional and personal life and i have learned to ignore all the things i should be ignoring from the very beginning.

This is a post-it thank you note to my life from me. I am happy, but it's not like I'm euphoric. Maybe someday, maybe not, but i am not complaining. I have no regrets. I am me and I am indeed okay.

An Obituary (sort of!)

2009-09-05T22:38:00.003+05:30

I thought I’ve found the one I want to hold on to. I thought that I would be happy, by making you happy. Every single moment of my life in the last couple of years was dedicated to you. YOU. Then you dedicated your time to someone else, or at least looking for someone else. You admitted that to me and I was happy, didn’t think of me but of you, that finally you might be happy for a change. I thought you were happy and I will be able to make you happy, in spite of all differences that we have, ‘cos nobody’s perfect. The key to happiness is to find someone who will love you despite all the mistakes, who will be at your side when nobody wants to be. That gives life a purpose. A meaning. I guess I’ll always look for that purpose. Again. And Again.

I wanted you to be happy in life. No matter what happen to me, I will always try that. Some people will probably tell you to exploit that fact. Some people will probably tell me not to get exploited. In the end it does not matter. I tried so hard and got so far. We will survive, either with each other or separately. But will we be happy? Only time will tell.

If someday you want me to hold you in my arms and tell you everything’s gonna be alright, you know I will do just that. I will do anything for you, love is a decision to me and I chose to love you, in spite of anything. My love doesn't need a reason. If something unexpected happen and I get hurt by you, I might be devastated. But I will still love you. Because it’s YOU.

Will I find you in my solitude? Will you see me in another? We were looking for someone else. I know I'll find another. You'll find another. I'll never find you. You'll never find me. If we do, it will be us. Again.

And when we meet, Which I'm sure we will, All that was there, Will be there still
I'll let it pass, And hold my tongue, And you will think, That I've moved on.

I will go down with this ship, and I won't put my hands up and surrender,
There will be no white flag above my door, I'm in love and always will be.

Memories return...

2009-08-31T22:14:00.006+05:30

Late night. Happy fudges melts in your mouth. A quick note attached to your back. A small leg pull - either literally or metaphorically! Some urban legends. Sweet tickle, small teasing about height (or width!) or age. Metro ride. A backward journey. An innocent metro ride to the station in the opposite way! A rainbow of laughter about some innocent (or non-so-innocent!) joke. some silly comments. Some distant thoughts. A hustle made in the corner of a train station. A fine given for not buying the ticket at the correct place! A simple song at the back of your mind. Some silly thoughts to ponder. Some slip of tongue. Some pronounciation mistakes! A sudden change in your thoughts. A call at the middle of the night. A call at the middle of the day. A feeling not remotely known, yet so close to heart.

Like the distant waves, my thoughts will keep you awake in your sleep. Most people don't know what is in our subconscious mind, not sure if that's something somehow somewhere will come out. Maybe it would be too late then, but still it's worth knowing, worth waiting, worth sharing.

Memories return. Somewhere. Somehow. Some time. Some place.

It's not the cause. It's only the effect and how you deal with it.

2009-08-19T21:36:00.005+05:30

There are moments where you just don't know what to do with the information that's available to you, and how to process it positively and how to make some sense out of it. There are moments when you feel so alone that you could reach out to sky for some company. There are moments when love is not in sight, faith is redundant and xenophobia sets in. There are moments when you might discontinue your love for someone, your trust for someone, your whole existence for someone. but do NOT know how to discontinue or neglect the bond, the affection that took so many years to develop, and you are torn up between what is illusion and what is real.

The love, the trust, the caring, the intimacy all can be destroyed in a second if you really want to, but not the bond, the affection that grows slowly. That one hurts really bad while you slowly try to dissipate; not because you want to, but because you have to, or you can NOT move on. Life goes on and if we can't tally with life's oscillation, we will be so far behind that we can't even see the ending line. It's not like you are unhappy 'cos deep inside you know its what you want for the someone else to be happy, no matter what happens to you.

It's not the cause. It's only the effect and how you deal with it.

Money or Ice-cream - which is more important?

2009-07-21T08:43:00.003+05:30

Yesterday I was crossing a footbridge between SaltLake and LakeTown and i saw an old lady with a kid lying in the pavement, asking for help. When i went to give her some money, she politely refused and explained that she's not begging for money, but the kid wanted to eat an ice-cream and she would be greatful if somebody can buy one ice-cream from the ice-cream truck nearby. I actually bought three and kept one for myself. They were so happy and I didn't know how exactly am I to depict my state of mind. In today's greedy world, where people thrive for money, they need more even though they have a lot, people misjudge friends and relatives for money, where there is money, there are 500 relatives, and here was an old lady who I'm sure need money desperately but didn't ask for anything. She was going to be happy with just one ice-cream for the kid! Do you call it an irony or an exception of the system? Maybe it is.

Wasn't a blog is supposed to be something which touched your heart? Am I so inappropiate in stapling this piece of paper in my blog? I don't know, maybe. Do I give a damn? Nope. Enough said Fred!

Just Another b'day in this paradise!

2009-04-14T09:30:00.002+05:30

Two years ago I depicted my life @24, the complete blah-blog can be found here: http://around-zion.blogspot.com/2007/04/24-someone-in-blogosphere.html. Well, I am two years older now and when I look back at these two years, I try to think if I've really gained anything or lost everything? One thing for sure, i've learned to live without my most fav person in the whole world, but I've found my other most fav person whom I don't want to even loose for an hour - so yeah, i've gained something for sure!

Though I'm Still a quasi-optimist, i have stopped looking for a ray of hope which is scattered everywhere, not just because I've found one, but i know by now for sure that how to hold on to it for life. I care. I simply will care, and i will show it too. It does not matter what people think, i don't care about them anyway! I know i'm gonna spent the day with my family and that's all it matters to me. Most of us don't remember this small anecdotes anyway.

I still wanna live my way and lose my inhibition threshold.

30 things i want to do before i turn 30....

2009-04-02T09:57:00.000+05:30

I would want to :
30. First of all, make the list of thirty things i want to do - yes, this list i am talking about.
29. A trip to the extreme North Sikkim, India once more and this time no turning back at 17,150 feet anymore!
28. Decide to spend the rest of my humble life with someone I love and commit to it.
27. Go to Easter Island, Chille - my dreamplace for how long i don't even remember.
26. Visit a cemetary at night and spend some time alone there.
25. A trip to someplace near with my nephew and nieces - those who're very close to my heart.
24. Stay awake all night and do nothing.
23. Try not to think so much and just do whatever comes on the spur of the moment - at least for a day.
22. Find my dream-home.
21. Take a long drive to somewhere where no one knows two of us!
20. Ride a train, go somewhere without any destination and visit a place i know nothing of.
19. Buy a dog for our home.
18. Visit Agra to watch Taj-Mahal.
17. Teach how to drive a car to someone I love.
16. Learn how to make Lasagna.
15-1 : Find 15 more things to include in this list !!!
Now i realize at this point how lame is to create a list like this, where i can just do and not think or plan the list of doable things to be done before i turn 30 which is just 4 years from now! I am going offline now, see you in North Sikkim!

Kichhu bhalo lage na.....

2009-03-14T13:43:00.000+05:30

Lost in the way I want to live clinging to him all my life.Life was so void,but still I never felt alone.Perhaps I was used to life like that-lonely and in my own little world;there was restricted admission for everyone but I don’t know why doors flew open for him,why my heart went out for him.Who was he?Any other ordinary person who maybe had passed by my side a hundred times in my life and I haven’t cared to give a side glance........why did he then sweep the earth from beneath my feet?Why did he turn everything upside down for me??......shobkichhu olotpalot kore dilo toh o.....ekebare elomelo......hothat asha kalbaishaki thik jemon hoi.......
Tabuo bhalo lage or sathe thakte sobshomoy........everyone says that the feeling is like that.....its makes u feel the real utopia in life.....
But lately things are not that sweet....the feeling of tiredness has creeped in....I have become too demanding and he is too tired living upto my huge expectations....I am blind without him in life.....sottei andhokar dekhi....jani na ki hoyechhe
I know he reciprocrates my feelings but I crave every moment for him......kichhu bhalo lagena oke chhara.....the colours of life fade in his absence.......this is becoming a dangerously possessive feeling for me......
I want him to be with everyone.......but I want him to be with me......I am confused.....I don’t really know what I want....I am going mad.....but he says he can’t lose everything on earth for me........he is true from his side.....but I still fail to understand....
Am I going mad?.....I ask myself.......yeah maybe.......I really don’t know.....what am I suffering from??......Am i becoming pshychic??

Yet I never forget

2009-02-26T16:38:00.005+05:30

And I went on in a crow-drenched afternoon,
towards a sleepness night, with no moon in sight,
felling grumpy like a just-awaken baby
after a long sleep & then nature is calling.

Still i go on, for what its worth
I don't have the faintest idea about
what's going on in my life right now,
excess happienss is something make you cripple,
like this?

Yet there's no realization
of own self-esteem where I can
know & see that
I've accompolished something worthwhile
today.
That feeling is one of the most irritating feeling
a grown man can ever feel in his life.

And
I move on.
From endless horizon to dark walls.
Tired, discontent, hungry,
A hungry mind knows nothing but food.
Obesity is undefined in his dictionary.

Days go by but I'll never forget.

Universe is small?

2008-11-09T22:59:00.007+05:30

Last night i was outside of my apt,

and i was watching the up above to sky

and i thought,

how small our life is

while i see some stars blinking that probably does not exists

at this very moment

anymore.

Our Universe,

Milky Way,

Our galaxy,

everything is infinite.

Even how much do we even know about

the unobservable universe,

beyond the reach of the strongest telescope in the world.

beyond the reach of the inter-galactic spaceships we built,

or will be building.

Isn't it fascinating and equally ironic to know that the light from the smallest, most redshifted galaxies originated maybe roughly 13 billion years ago,

while we ponder upon the memories from last year!

Talk about mathematical comparison between the two, huh?
and when i look at the event horizon at night,

i feel so relaxed and calm

unlike i used to feel

when i was child

and i used to look at the stars

and wondering

what and where the hell am i looking at?

And if you start considering Multi verse,

how many this piece of crap

exists elsewhere?

P.S: Its kinda obvious how small our earth is, if you consider the enitre (observable + Unobservable) Universe, the position of our earth is like this :

Universe -> Observable universe -> Large-scale structures -> Virgo Supercluster -> Local Group -> Milky Way Galaxy -> Orion Arm of the Milky Way -> Gould Belt -> Local Bubble -> Local Interstellar Cloud -> Solar System

-> Earth

An abstract Labyrinth called Friendship

2008-11-01T22:30:00.001+05:30

Friends are like Wine, the older the relationship, the better.

Friends are like Lipstick, the formality is easy to wear off.

Friends are only human, they can sometime falter.

Friends are pain in some places, always ready to piss you off!

Friends are like piece of your mind, wavelength's has to match,

Friends are like a Shrink, will surelly know when you itch.

Friendship is like a huge door without a latch,

Friends are always ready to be the irritating bitch!

Friendship is like an ocean, the vastness is not comprehensible at once,

Friends are always couple of cups of coffee away from you,

Friends are nature's way of keeping you away from dunce,

Friendhip should be like a shirt; torned ones are easy to sew.

Thanks for being my friend in good and bad days,

Nothing i say can show you how greatful i'm,

So let's do the simple thing instead that says,

"let's continue to have some jagged memories in tandem".

2008-10-26T11:11:00.005+05:30

Poem: Amalkanti by Nirendranath Chakraborty :

Amalkanti is my friend,
We did our schooling together.
He used be a regular latecomer in class, not good in study,
when asked about some word-meaning,
he used to be looking at the window, dumbfounded.
Then we felt really bad.

Some wanted to be master, some doctor, some lawyer.
Amalkanti didn't want any of that.
He wanted to be the sun-beam.
The shy sun-beam of rainwashed, crow-drenched afternoon,
Which sticks around the leaves of rose-apple like a chuckle.

Now some of us are master or doctor or lawyer.
Amalkanti couldn't be the sun-beam.
He is working in a dark press.
Sometime he comes to see me,
We drink tea, chit-chat for a while and when he says "I have to go."
I give him send-off until the front-door.

Among us who is the Master,
He would've been the doctor,
Who wanted to be the Doctor,
It wouldn't harm anyway if he was a lawyer.
Still everyone got their wish fulfilled, except Amalkanti.
He couldn't become the sun-beam.
That Amalkanti, who used to think about sun-beam,
and one day wanted to BECOME the sun-beam.

This is one of my fav poem of all time - somehow the concept was really intriguing to me, we want to be a lot of things, but probably nobody wanted to be sunbeam!

ekta khola chithi akaser kache.

2008-09-06T21:19:00.007+05:30

With due apology to all my non-bengali-speaking friends, once in a while i feel an urge to write something in my mother toungue which i can't simply ignore right now.

amader jibone anek kichu notun abiggota hoi jegulo amra sob somoi thikthak bhaabe prakash korte parina kintu tar mane to ei noi je segulo sotyi noi - segulo nijer modhye amra feel korte pari na ?

ekta ektu kom sona ekta anyorakam ekta gaan sunchilam - gaan ta jani naa kono karone amar bhishon priyo "Arjun Sen" by Jotugriho...

"tabu aj din chole jai, sohorer opare,

protidin mon more jai, protidin... prantore,

bhenge jai swapnera andhare.."

prithibi ta sotyi e boroi nisthur, se kono kichu r protikha kore na - ekta duto manus r mrityu tar mota chamrai dag kate na , kar jibone ki dukho kosto - take casually katiye diye dei ... and life goes on... pore thake jara - tara darwin dadu r twotto poreni ba porle o bojheni!

amader ei ekta jibon e beshi somoi paaoa jai naa anondo korar , sutorang jibon katano r jibon take upobhog korar modhye anek parthoyoko theke jai.

sutorang amra amar dukho kosto niye mon kharap kore bari te bose thakte pari, atahba segulo bhule giye khola akaser niche cricket khelte beriye porte pari . ami dwitiota korchi - what about u?

Niagara and 1000 Islands, New YorkNiagara Falls, 1000 Islands and En route - many places in NJ, PA and NY

2008-07-01T09:20:00.002+05:30

Niagara and 1000 Islands, New York

Once in a while u need to wash away your fatigues and i don't know if any other falls is better than Niagara in doing it for you aautomatically!

Weekend is baseless unless you spend it absolutely erratically!!

2008-06-15T19:21:00.007+05:30

Weekend is the lost desert from your weekday's dinner.
Life is pointless if you planned your life during these time,
It's time for enjoyment of your heart to soul, both outer and inner.
Feeling of relaxed journey in your own way is worth not more than a dime.

I feel alive every weekend, and afterwards a zombie to be,
reincarnation such as this is boring but a must have for my life.
Pointless laziness is the point of having a weekend to me,
Haphazard erratic thoughts are the output of a weekendified life!

Weekend is baseless unless you spend it absolutely erratically!
Weekend is four-dimensional, time flies before you know it.
Weekend is beautiful if you looking though the window philosophically,
Weekend is romantic if you are spending it with someone distinct.

An Echo of this seems like Déjà vu all over again!

P.S: Well, this is just some realization, some retrospect in how i feel about life at weekend, did not able to cover all the aspect, its just a gist of gist of everybody's life. since i am writing it in weekend, i am becoming hypocrite in a some way - so more description might be available on a weekday's post!!

A funny way of looking at my life in a plagiarized music-maniac fashion!

2008-05-13T19:07:00.000+05:30

I feel like Loosing myself (not like Eminem),
into the "High Hopes" of my peers.
Not a "Zombie" yet, but somehow it seems like "Comfortably numb".
I wanted to get out of "Cloud number nine",
to show everyone that "I'm alive!".
But i couldn't find "the reason" and now i'm "Crawling in the dark",

So "Here I am", this is me;
"The tide is turning" and the I am trying to “Coming back to life”,
So from now onwards I will be optimistic until “Evening falls”,
I will wait for “My December”,
And remember “All the things she said”;
But try the attitude of “Don’t worry, be happy”!

“In the end”, I will think about “My Immortal”,
I will try to feel the “gravity of love”.
Without it, “My life is for rent”, I feel so “numb”,
It’s a “Mad World” out there, and there are “No Apologies”.
Yet “nothing else matters”, because I have “my love”,
Only how I wish, how I “Wish you were here”.

Poem: Still life goes on...

2008-05-11T10:50:00.007+05:30

In every human life,
There are some moments when one is sad and depressed.
Frustrated from every zone of life.
And feel like leaving everything and going away.
Still life goes on.
Some memories in which
one is wrapped with tension,
One wants to get out of here,
and fly high in the sky.
But can't run away, and still life goes on.

Some moments in which
the loved one hurts other's sentiment,
One needs a support, a shoulder to cry on,
But doesn't find one, and still life goes on.

Some moments in which one gets life,
or so intensely hurt that one wants to die,
One wishes to end their life
At that very moment, but still life goes on.

And in each life there will be one day,
when there is a deadlock,
And then the people cry,
and try to show that they are concerned.
Then the questions arise,
Are they going to wait for one's death,
To care, to understand the one.
If so, then wait till death but until then,
Life goes on.

AND I CALLED HER A FRIEND……(by mistake??)

2008-05-06T21:35:00.001+05:30

Its usually said that people remember their school life forever….those are the best days in a man’s life.Well,I do remember those years of growing up…..albeit for all the wrong reasons.Be it for some tyrant personalities or for being lonely among the crowd of thousands of people dressed in similar fashion,school days literally haunt(and taunt) me till date.
Well,it was on one such days that I found a girl…..a friend.To say it without boasting,I enjoyed being at my best in academics at school.I enjoyed the lonely position a step ahead of others in class.My friend was close behind but could never be at par…..she cringed at every mistake she made that widened the gap between us.I silently(and sometimes not so silently) expressed a deep satisfaction at every such point in school.
However destiny had things planned otherwise.Like the bse stock market my slide from the top had to happen sooner or later.And the inevitable happened sooner than I expected.I slipped once and my friend never allowed her opportunity to slip.With amazing determination and focus,she moved forward and with surprising laziness I never tried to stop my downfall.Well,the gap between us widened again,but this time our positions had changed.
What changed everything for me was that this time the gap created a void between our emotional bond……a space which has drifted us apart for ever.Was it she who avoided me or was it me who did’nt want to face her?Well,I am certain it was me.Wonder why?Aha,that’s easy to tell.After school I completely lost all ties with her(why do I say after school?).But she made sure that I come to know whatever she achieves in life.She boasted,her family was no less!I ducked her phone calls-she came to my house!She made sure that I know every step that she takes in her indomitable pursuit of success that she began so many years back,leaving me behind.
I wonder does she do all this purposely,only to make me feel the lows that I made her feel?? Had she not got her revenge,yet?I lament that these actions of her has soured our relationship to an unimaginable extent.Well,you might wonder why I am complaining,why am I so bitter about something that I inwardly know is my due…..well because of the fact that she makes me suffer the same way that she perhaps had many years back….I am no one to judge her but then why is she so hypocritical by calling us friends.What sort of a friend would do these things and keep repeating such things??C’mon she can tell me face on-I am not afraid….bring it on.And then maybe someday in future I will happily delete this post from my blog!

Waiting?

2008-05-04T08:50:00.000+05:30

Tired,
Sleepy,
Dreamy,
one more day passing away.
Aloof,
Indifferent,
Careless,
just like other 364 day?

Affection,
Love,
Understanding,
some adjectives with some meaning.
Distress,
Moody,
Stubbornness,
some more with lot mote sense.

This life, this night, this earth,
These people, this work, this holiday,
Could i care less?
Every people for himself,
Every raindrop is not as beautiful as dew,
There's nothing much to tell
but
I will wait for you.

Anti-Metrophobic

2008-05-03T08:48:00.007+05:30

Friday Night
Music on
Fireplace lit
Sky full of stars,
Omnipotent personality
Plagiarism sets in
Go away.

Put some coat on,
Go outside
Feel rain in your skin
My love for you
is drenched,
Washed away,
like glass of water
in Atlantic ocean.

Satire is hyped,
Love is boring.
Genophobia is overrated,
Life sucks.
Cynical feeling
around Pink's wall
Go outside
Get a fucking life.

Black sky prevails
wonderful midnight
1 mile walk
its Saturday already
goodbye psychophobia,
grabbed a spoon
missing you

Life rebooted
waiting has began
sleeping time
insomnia is past
Dream on.
See you soon,
Are you awake?

A funny way of looking at Fun!

2008-04-18T01:29:00.008+05:30

What is Fun? How do you know that you are having real fun and not like one of those dumb cartoons which is forcing to make you laugh, but really you want to roll your eyes and get out of here. Its funny that people has different perception of fun, what is funny and what is not.

I used to know one friend who used to go poor villages and spend one day with little children, playing with them, teaching basic stuffs and helping them out - either monetary or other way. And he used to say that it's fun for him ! Now that makes you think how broad can the defination of "Fun" might be, if you know how much peculiar and different people can be.

Fun is also sense of humor, its a common saying that you loose everything if you loose your sense of humor! I believe that I am having fun with whatever i am doing, as long as i am with people I love - i care about. Now that's not actually the well-known definition of Fun, but i can live with this definition. So this angle of vision is also kinda fun - isn't it?

A boring un-poem with more boring not-so-catchy title!

2008-03-30T08:33:00.005+05:30

Procrastinating is something i am really good at,
I have been doing it for years now.
Commitment is something i used to fear the most; something very unlike of me,
Now i know that was one form procrastinating - a very serious kind.
Life is a journey where in each step you choose some form of commitment,
either you know it or you don't.

Friendly atmosphere is something i am always looking for,
Not particularly xenophobic though, still change is something i generally resist.
Self-proclaimed dreamer, this form of me worries about the unknown future,
not knowing that every moment can be transformed to ice-cream if you know the preparation.
Or you are screwed, royally!

Love is something i always thrived for; not knowing the ramification,
And whenever i find it, i realize i was not looking for it; rather it was looking for me,
feeling of love and care are how you refresh your memory from day-to-day dust,
Being in love is like being in a metro: a claustrophobic but comforting journey,
with unknown destination.

Contingency plan for this life...

2008-03-22T19:34:00.008+05:30

Lets face it - life is a cruel, cynical joke in which we all get insulted in a humorous way. So it will not hurt to say that life has indeed a great sense of humor - its just that its dark humor, its black humor, its a dry sarcastic one which some people will not appreciate at all. Consider the facts for a while and you will know i am not being sarcastic here at all, most of us will always feel that life is not treating us well - grass is always greener on the other side. If you have money, you can buy anything but you can't buy satisfaction, unless you consider a big house, a Porsche and a huge bank balance even after these two is satisfaction, in which case there's no point reading this crap (which is crap anyway!) beyond this snippet!

Well said Fred! So what now? Where are we? Lets revise the plan "B" - the Contingency plan for this f#$@d up life, where everyone gets to do whatever they really want, not what they pretend they want. Pretending goes well with laxatives, unless you already proved to be a universally accepted fully certified unambiguous moron, in which case pretending is an allegorical euphemism for real commitment problem in every aspect of life. In our normal life we come across lots of such morons who only exists to complicate your life further. Big deal? In plan "B", lets eradicate them, not by actually killing them, bu overpowering themselves by making yourself a bigger moron! Everybody can be a pain in the rear end, its just need a erratic mind with a bizarre angle of vision. In our normal life we get hurt from the people we love. In plan "B", lets make sure that we choose people who will get hurt (i didn't mean physically!) while trying to hurt you. And if you choose the wonderful policy of "ignore the insults, remember the compliments", true heaven is indeed a place on earth.

And do u know what is the biggest plan ? Lazying, Procrastinating, bullshitting, laughing, living ur life to the fullest without worrying much about the contingency plan, if you are happy with the way you are, every plan is worth to have it. Let's forget planning and start living, shall we?

Hapazard thoughts coming from a tired mind.

2008-03-11T05:39:00.003+05:30

I came back from office and find myself locked out outside - our apt key seems to be tired of working and thought of taking a "kitkat" break for an hour. So i was waiting outside - i was sitting in the staircase and was thinking about the bitch called life - my 25 year's funky life so far. Tired mind is a wonderful nest of bullshit thoughts and my not-so-young mind is certainly not an exception! Suddenly i wanted to compare my current life with the life back home - what would i have done if i locked myself outside like this and i knew that what exactly i could have done, at least 3 friends of mine in the neighborhood would have assumed what can be the result.

Its the sweet cool breeze of the lakes near my folk's place is what came to my mind - don't know why but suddenly i wished i was there, wondering around the entire neighborhood as i used to do. I wanted to take a break from this life for a moment and just thought of sitting in the school ground in my locality with a Bacardi breezer in hand, it seems that happiness can sometimes very very cheap, provided you have the capability to lower your expectations to the point which has already been satisfied!

i know what i need. i need a good night's sleep. But is that all? Maybe, Maybe not.

If these words were people, I would embrace their genocide.

2008-02-10T09:32:00.000+05:30

If these words were people, I would embrace their genocide.

http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=banish

not much to say - just check it for urself.

Late realization...

2008-01-18T06:10:00.000+05:30

Dawn's darkness is the start, i always like to see the twilight,
Shadow the day is the source of energy transformed into daylight.
Illusion is psychosomatic equivalence of a mirage,
Life is fun; as long as you know the difference between home and garage.

I love being philosophical, but sometimes it's just not right,
As i walk into outside to see the moonlight,
I realize why we love being sad, being unjust,
The feeling of discontent is stronger than human lust.

Happiness gives the need of euphoria, so to speak,
Love gives the meaning to life, so you have someone to pick,
everybody has somebody, and yet nobody owes anybody anything,
Morning dew is the best thing to show you the excitement of tingling!

Life is not just some colorful orientation film for a new class,
It's every moment is utopia, if you have the right sunglass.
Its fun having fun, i am just here to cash in,
Let's start leaving life without having to lean.

Late realization is better than nothing at all....

No...not again

2008-01-11T18:20:00.000+05:30

I was busy(read gloomy) for the last few days...so did'nt really have the time to upload a post.But today I sit here with all hopes shattered...with all beginnings stopping over a dead end.Perhaps I am at an all time low...I am lonely among friends and family and wanting to avoid everyone on earth.I had hoped that this year would bring in hope and much enthusiasm for the future....but I have actually started wondering whether I have made the cardinal sin of demanding more from life than it actually has in store for me??Maybe I was hoping for miracles that,as always, did'nt happen?Do I really have a future in what I have endeavoured in doing for the past one year?Will my targets always remain elusive?
I live everyday in the fear of something omnious happening to me.....I have also become outrageously superstitious and a lazy believer of destiny in the meantime...small things like wearing my right socks first or even using a blue pen while writing have never affected my life in this way before.I know I need to get over this fast otherwise that dangerous disease(read depression)will surround me with its strong nasty roots!
But beware!I am not writing this praying for sympathy....I have actually learnt a lot during this phase and one of them is that the best person who knows you is you yourself....so I am the best judje of what I actually can do in life!Guess I just need to have a strong mind and put up a brave face to all my future adverseries.

Signing off for the day while gearing up for a fight against all DEVILS!

I mourn her death

2008-01-01T13:46:00.000+05:30

I start my first blog on this New Year remembering the most significant incident of the year gone by.....THE ASSASSINATION OF BENAZIR BHUTTO.This is my attempt to pay homage not only to a great leader but also to a great fighter.........a fighter against oppression to humanity,a fighter for democracy.This horrifying incident has afeected me personally in an astounding way...I must confess I have not been an out-and-out admirer of Bhutto....but it is her courage that struck me the most.Her decision to stay on and fight for her people despite repeated theats to her life only showed that her ambition was not for the highest office in her country but also her indomitable fight to restructure the ruling system in the country of her birth.
'Benazir'-means the one without an example.She hails from one of the most prestigious political families of Pakistan.Her father Zulfikar ali Bhutto was a former PM.He was hanged by the military regime.Zulfikar ali was survived by two sons,but it was his daughter who was destined to carry the Bhutto Baton forward......and how well she did.Representing the People's Party of Pakistan(PPP),she was elected the first woman PM of an islamic nation in 1988.However,due to corruption charges,and many other unavoidable circumstances she had to sacrifice her seat to Nawaz Sherif in the middle of a second term.She and her husband Zardari were sentenced to 5-year jail terms.It was then that Bhutto decided to go into exile...only to slowly rebiuld her support group outside Pakistan just as she had done after her father's death.
As far as her personal life is concerned,she is remembered as a carefree and funloving person,often enjoying cruise rides with her handsome elder brother during her stint at Oxford.She created a great impact as the Pak PM's daughter during her visit to India for the signing of the Shimla Agreement Between the two countries.She did not take a single day maternity leave during the birth of her son in 1988.......not because she ignored motherhood but she believed that her win was important for the people of the country.There are those who remember her as the 'Lady who gave birth in Office'.
I consider her to be one of the greatest patriots-one who laid down her life unflinchinly at the service of her country and her people.Once in a lifetime does a country get a leader like that....however,there are many who think otherwise and her brutal killing is a finger pointer at that.People draw parallels of her life with that of Rajiv Gandhi.....both burdened with huge expectations on young soldiers,both forward-thinking inspirational leaders and both killed at a time when they were the frontrunners for the post of PM.But I consider her work more difficult-mainly because on one hand she was considered an outsider(mainly an US 'ambassador' for democracy)on one hand and also Pakistan's only hope for democracy.So convincing the already existing beaurocrats of her will to do good must not have been easy,neither coming back from exile after 8 long years.I salute her as a great woman,but more so because of her outstanding belief in power of the people.
However,after the death of Bhutto where does Pakistan stand?I am informed that the PPP will now be chaired by her 19-year son Bilawal Bhutto.He inherits the glamour of Oxford,but does he inherit his mother's drive....her passion for the people and the country??Well,only time will tell....but time will also tell whether Bhutto's dream of a Democratic Pakistan was indeed an UTOPIA?"Democracy is our revenge",she said.

(Source of informatoin regading her personal life and political career:The Times Of India)

A rhetorical piece of promise for another new year...

2008-01-01T07:20:00.000+05:30

Finally, the end of another mundane year and the beginning of the next. Another year without my most favorite ppl on the earth, another year with almost nothing to be thankful for. Still optimism is something I always strives for, so i am happy with whatever life has given me this year, whatever fun & enjoyment I got. Another year with immense progress of science, we almost have invented computers that can think like human being, probbaly the only thing in which people will be better than computers is irrational & erratic behavior, unless, of course they invent a psychotic computer! We really feel like driven by technology, so if you are unable to ride a swing, the first thing you look for is a manual override! With all kidding aside, I can honestly say that i'm learning a lot - the only skills I have the patience to learn are those which have no real application in life. Story of my life, it is.

There are some things I'm grateful for, one development that i am thankful for(so far), so the year wasn't that all bad. Hope I'll be able to be these confident the next year also.

Another new year, a new set of rules, new optimism, new friends, new form of laziness, new life. This year will also pass & I'll be come up with another set of resolution. Wish you all a lazy & surreal new year!

Until the next draft.....

THE BEAUTIFUL BEGINNING

2007-12-26T13:32:00.000+05:30

We wait each day for a new beginning……a new ambition,a new motivation.From the very early childhood,I often used to daydream.About what,you could ask.Well,from seeing myself scaling the heights of Mt. Everest to speaking to the ETs,from flying a fighter aircraft to winning the Maths olympiad!(well,I now think the first 3 were still weird to say the least.......but winning a maths olympiad,wow that was sure some guts to even dream of.......I am eternally terrified of that subject!).I did not notice when I had started to pen down all these in my notes.........its fun to read all of them...the greatest days of my childhood,the fondest and saddest memories of school and college,the times when our family came together to celebrate.....I had shared all those with me for more than 12 years now.
As a person,people around me say that I come across as ambitious,too serious and very down to earth(Wow...I must say I have hidden my dreamy part of me well).Okay,enough of self-praise(actually I am my personal favourite......a narcissist you would say).I consider myself sometimes stubborn,at other times impatient-I often fail to judje the implications of a rash action.As far as my beliefs go,I am an outright feminist,a believer in hard work and compassion.I am also a strong believer in the powers of the Almighty.My hero?The legendary Mrs.Indira Gandhi-an outstanding example of equal passion towards work and family-the truly balanced woman.Much ahead of her times.I consider her as Mentor.However,much nearer to home,I consider my mother a great tutor of life-I have learnt a thousand different things from her,in every aspect in life.Her never tiring energy in pursuing the best that life has to offer......her care for the family.....her selfless nature-i consider it all super-human.
I have often been eluded by targets and struggled in the pursuit of it....but suddenly when I hav achieved it all,I had failed to cherish it.I don't know why.But still I do not give in-u could call me obsessed.....but I will say I enjoy life like this and I try not to give in to its tests.I live life entirely on my own terms-cherishing my freedom and sqeezing out as much as I can.
But today I am here to for a special reason-to follow up my childhood passion of writing(writing anything I want for giving expression to my inner self.......n sometimes also writing nonsense in the process).I look forward to a very BEAUTIFUL BEGINNING of a new chapter in my life and a long lasting relationship with ZION-THE UTOPIAN WORLD AROUND US.

...And the Chrismas we spent together

2007-12-25T14:02:00.000+05:30

Sitting in my balcony,looking up at the star-studded sky,I recollect his face.Almost nothing was noteworthy,not even worthy of a second glance-had it not been for those eyes,those large dark eyes.You could see his world thru them,you could visualize his inside,his thoughts,feel his pain and sense his restlessness.Initially I was often apprehensive of his cheerful gait,of his continued philanthropic interest in being the messiah of problems in others’ lives.But slowly when I got to know him this hesitation faded. I realised that all these were not the results of self-imposed hypocrisy but the prolonged pursuit of that one cherised goal in life-that of happiness.We bonded well in the days of my college.He was not an outstanding academic but a great enthusiast.The originality of his ideas and the penetration of his vision often left me awestruck.There was never a time when a person associating with him would leave empty-handed.
A Christian by birth,he celebrated Christmas with his family with great enthusiasm every year.The festivities continued till the beginning of the new year.He was always visibly relieved to finish off that December sem at college as he had to rush off to help his cousins in all kinds of preparations.It was the last year of college and quite a few of his friends(including me)had been invited to the festivities at his home.I did know much about wine,but with a little research here and there,I managed to pick up a fine one.I was greeted with the warmest welcome ever in my life.
It was a huge house-they were a family of professional lawyers.They were rich and famous in the city.His family members ranged from a 90+ to even a 6 year old(and they were literally uncountable).He switched several roles that evening-from that of a careful host to a cheery friend,of a babysitter to his nephews to that of a bartender.The most amazing thing was that he managed all of these with a natural prowess and a handsome smile.
I guess he was the only one in the party through whom the meaning of the occasion outshone-the celebration of giving unto those who do not possess what you have.He spread the message of the Lord like fire but without a deliberate and conscious effort.His unconditional love and care towards everyone and anyone made him special.Did he need any specific time to celebrate Christmas?-I wondered.
Some said I over estimated.I had no time to listen.Time was flying fast-he had so much to give,and I had so little time to grasp them all.For the first time in my life I found a true tutor of life,hope and love.He taught me to envisage life as a gift with too little a span to have any bitter feelings.He taught to forgive unflinchingly.How wonderfully in harmony he was with his natural self-he exemplified the meaning of ‘other’ in my life.I learnt to think and listen with compassion.He brought me to peace with my inner self.His only moments of pain and restlessness was when he saw others suffer.
Today when I recollect all these,I won’t say he has left a vacuum in my life.Rather I would say his vision still fills every corner of my life.Many said he was too magnamous from outside,but I realised that the simplicity he practiced was too unreal to believe from a distance.Many said he was too ordinary,but I realised that he was only an ordinary being with his mere extra-ordinary qualities.He will remain etched in my memory as an outstanding example of the beauty of life.

Just another dystopic verse ?

2007-12-23T10:59:00.000+05:30

The year is almost over now, just a few days to go,
The promise is almost wore out now, with nothing left to show.
I am looking at the perfect sunshine now,
Feeling like deja vu, another set of vow.

Children are dying all over the world,
Stories of war, lie, crime and insanity are the topics not too old.
Life is too cheap and ambiguous for us,
Hell is just another place for a time-pass.

I think dystopia is too costly right here,
When no one even care to shed a tear.
Its time to start nurturing, start deciding our fate,
who knows, tomorrow might be too late?

Its time for the new year resolution for me,
touch the heart of another nihilist to be.
Love unconditionally, and xenophobia is too much to take,
Its a new start, its a new horizon, just I need to learn not to fake.

From now on, i will count the dots in my own way, indeed.

One more Christmas with no gifts to ask for...

2007-12-23T02:52:00.000+05:30

Its Christmas time , though I am not really a religious person and I
know Santa Clause is not real (so I don't have to pretend to be good
so that I get some present!), but still Christmas is a happy season
for me. Mostly because we have long weekends and I LOVE long weekends
– four days to spend at home, doing nothing – relaxing – life can
never be more interesting than this! You know, with a traditional
weekend of two days, I am enthralled on Saturday and sat evening is
the best period of my life, knowing that tomorrow I don't have to get
up early! Then Sunday comes and I can do all the nothings I wanted,
but deep inside I know soon it will be evening and that means the time
is almost up. But with a long weekend, I don't have to be mourn for
that – I know I can mourn at the fourth day ! I know this is very
simple thing and you probably thinking "what's the point of writing
this one?" , but again only a blind man can understand another's pain!

This morning I had a wonderful dream. I was dreaming that I am in
countryside (should have been somewhere nearby) and all the roads, the
valley, the trees are covered with snow. It's looking fantabulous and
there's no one but me in sight. I faced with a dilemma between skiing
and sledding (actually it was not actually a dilemma at all, 'cos I
never tried any of them!)

Christmas is the best for one more reason – Its not one long weekend,
its two! Oh My God! Can anything BE much better than this? Christmas
is time of happiness, I know for some people happiness is just a
snowflake in the peak of winter season, but again its angle of vision
is all that matters how you differentiate a wonderful day with its
monotonous counterpart! The next best thing is new year and so its
time for new year resolution. I always take this resolution thing
pretty seriously, sometimes I even decide to make same no of
self-improving resolution as the year we are in, this way I already
have one less resolution to come with!

Wish you all a merry Christmas, for me its again one more Christmas to no gifts to ask for...

The waiting has began...

2007-12-08T02:53:00.000+05:30

When you really like something , when you are doing really something interesting, it does not matter how long are you stuck, you would want to finish the work. Interest is all that matters, as if it is directlyproportional to the no of hours spent on a particular thing, be inanimate object or the opposite! I love technical work, but checkingof the alignment of data and formatting it in a 1000 row excel sheets what drives me crazy – I feel like let's make a day and kill someone so that I get to enjoy the freedom (irony of the day would that be, though!). Today when I look back at the days I had in my not-so-important-at all life so far, I feel like Calvin - "Why isn't my life like a situation comedy? Why don't I have a bunch of friends with nothing better to do but drop by and instigate wacky adventures? Why aren't my conversations peppered with spontaneous witticisms? Why don't my friends demonstrate heartfelt concern for my well being when I have problems? ...I gotta get my life some writers."
Its finally Friday and that means two more days to spend doing all the nothings I've always wanted. Spending weekend is only fun when you don't plan and spend it, you will feel like there is a lot of things you could have done but end up not doing anything at all, and still its like doing a lot, because deep inside you know the moment Monday morning comes, if have to go someplace, either an institution or the next worse thing (job) and you will end up doing some work; somethingf or somebody else and somebody else makes you do that is not going to make any difference to anybody if you don't do it. Sounds like philosophy of spoonerism, but it's the common real life hard-fact truth!
It finally weekend, and its going to snow soon, and i just found out that its already started, so euphoria is something i can vividly describe, but its not complete - I am not satisfied, because i am missing some people who are close to my heart.

"While the days slipped by from my window watching,
because the things you say and the things you do surround me,
while you were hanging yourself on someone elses words,
dying to believe in what you heard,
I was staring straight into the shining sun

Lost in thought and lost in time
While the seeds of live and the seeds of change were planted

I took a heavenly ride trough our silence
I knew the waiting had begin
And headed straight... into the shining sun." - Coming back to life, Pink Floyd

The waiting has began...

Resuming the social (or blogological) duties - Take One.

2007-11-27T08:23:00.000+05:30

I will make a difference from now on. I will actually, finally, at last do what most people do – what the blog was all about – a web log – so to speak. Because I am too lazy to write something on hard paper? No. I do – just they are not public – not yet. But it is not only because I would love to read this crap after 5 years (I am optimistic about life and pessimistic about it’s counterpart-as you might notice!), it is also because It would give me some thinks to ponder upon, some idea to materialize while I listen to some pleasant music and have a cup of hot chocolate with marshmallows on top! Boy ! Isn’t life just dull without the toppings (in each aspect)? Today is just a starter – its just the beginning. From now onwards I will bore you with the common mundane things of my life – our life, because without that I can’t spread the bad mood and as Calvin says; “Nothing helps a bad mood like spreading it around!” Enough intro – lets get down to business.

Today was just another day – so far. Mundane things at work, meeting, configuration, blaming, helping, stuff like that. Nothing special, nothing bad also. I walked from home to office – it was a nice cold and rainy morning – you would enjoy if you don’t have a heavy bag at your disposal! But again, if you don’t tire out, what’s the fun of walking ? Then in the evening when its time to do a bungy-jumping to home (and not to New Zealand), the road was covered with fog, like the morning’s rain was vaporizing; as inappropriate the comparison might sound, it was really breathtaking, I can assure you. Got enough spare time here, so finally I could resume my once-fav pastime of book-music-movies trio (I am just kidding – music was never out of the picture), I have become a member of the local library –they have awesome collections of book and DVDs also – though I am running out of DVDs more and more but still – its really worthwhile to occupy me whenever I feel, you know, depressed. There was one more thing which is to cheer me up – ice cream, but I haven’t tried that since I came here and yet I am surprisingly upbeat!

You know what’s really bug me? Calls late at night and they are not personal call at all. And yet the cruel irony is when the going gets tough – the tough gets going and if you really know me – the defense is the best offense for me because I am a vegetarian when it comes to hurting people, specially the ones I love. And now I am in my room – listening to Scorpion’s “Wind of Change” and thinking about the cruel irony – “is it really going to change at all? Where is the GOD who I don’t believe, give me some sign of snow – don’t you know its end of November? Am I really going to use the ice from the freezer to start a real good snowball flight? But to think about it, all the people who would really care about the snowball fight are so far away that the ball would melt before it reaches them – 1000 times !

Yet, I am surprisingly upbeat – you know why? I would be getting a laptop soon – bought (that is not technically correct, because the friend who paid for me – I am yet to pay him) and I am hoping it wouldn’t get lost in the morning traffic of New York City to Long Island! How small and mundane things to feel happy about it, isn’t it? But when you are homesick and you have alternative pleasant and rough day at your life and you know you have to smile because the worst is yet to come – paranoia is worse than feeling happy about minor composure. And see , they are making Dosa! I guess I will see you around in the blogosphere, maybe tomorrow, maybe not.

Aren’t you bored yet?

An unorthodox analysis of knowledge in a not so typical New Yorker's diary!

2007-10-06T21:11:00.000+05:30

"...... Till i'm no one again...

Await the light
embrace the darkness
and scream out to the sky,
watching life pass before me,
And the world I have inside,

I've seen the world, lived it all,
Seen it thru' my eyes,
The blinding shades of laughter,
I can see here as I lie,

As here I lie.......

......HERE I'M NO ONE AGAIN"

--------- "Till I'm no one again, Parikrama"

Once upon a time i used think that knowledge is bliss. The more you know, the more you can share, and the more your skill will grow. Knowledge is of different type, some is useless knowledge, some is redundant and some is crap but again importance of something can be totally depend of perception and u know how people are - they only admit greatness when some authority confirms it!

This is not another memorandum of an indian who will waste a couple KB of web space and 1 hour time to tell you how great is America and how wonderful or blissful the experience is so far!As per Metallica, i can tell - "What i've felt, What I've known, never shined to in what i've shown". So this is an abstract depiction of an abstract idea called difference of knowledge that i have gained so far.

It's been almost 1 month now i'm outside of my four walls of familiar territory, it's not like i haven't been like this before. But that was for 3 months and most importantly i was not alone, some of my best (or worst!) friends were there with me. This experience is different altogether, notr because it's on a totally unkown country, not because it's different situation, but mostly because i don't have people around me i am comfortable with, people that i can click with! And forget about the irony that before coming here i didn't know anybody in here, not even by their face! In a way, it's a wonderful experience - i always like to meet new people and new culture bla bla bla... but deep inside it's still different, i am just trying to be indifferent, at least pretend to be. It's hard, 'cos i can't pretend sometghing i don't feel, but sometimes white lie is better than total pandemonium!

Life goes on. It will be for at least one and half years now. I know it. I just don't know that i know it. Not yet.

Poem: My world isn't changing...

2007-08-19T22:42:00.000+05:30

A silent tear is the answer,
this world is revolving,
Days go by like a wind,
My world isn't changing.

memories are all i have now,
my life is flying,
nothing is out of the blue,
but my hope isn't dying.

This is my soul speaking,
want to take over my pride,
i fear i might not survive,
so i have nothing to hide.

Comfort is all i'm searching for,
every rose has it's thorn,
Will I find the peace again,
after the darkness is gone?

Poem: My Destination...

2007-08-19T22:34:00.000+05:30

Another day has passed,
But I'm getting younger.
My heart can sense the unknown,
And my soul's getting stronger.

How can i depict
The ray of hope in the darkness?
Life is always uncertain,
every joy can bring sadness.

Still I cherish this moment,
Just another day in the paradise.
Don't know what tomorrow will bring,
After life rolls it's dice.

Another day has passed,
who is going to care,
nobody notices in this selfish world,
So this feeling I have no one to share.

Now I know what is loneliness,
But I feel it's nothing.
I can sense my destiny now,
My destination is my everything.

Right ? Wrong? Who Cares?

2007-07-27T07:06:00.000+05:30

"There's no such thing as right and wrong; just popular opinion -- Jeffrey Goines (Brad Pitt's character), 12 Monkeys

it's a sixth sense that tells me that I am about to make a wrong decision, but making mistakes is just part of life. What does the world want of me? Does it want me to take no risks, to go back where i started just becuase I didn't have the guts to say 'yes' to life? What's wrong in doing wrong anyway (obviously when it's not hurting anyone but me, otherwise that is a strict no-no, at least according to my defination).

If u think about it, it's like this, based on different human behavior we determine right or wrong, justice or injustice. It's hugely depends on ur angle of vision - how u determine a particular phenomenon to be right or wrong reflects ur judgment, ur perspective. Sometimes we don't go for the right thing, but the thing we perceive as right. there can be huge difference between what is right n what we perceive to be right.

"Is it a right to remain ignorant? I don't know, but I refuse to find out!" - Bill Watterson, Calvin & Hobbes.

Isn't it the unspoken truth about our generation? Live, Have fun, don't get attached! Is it right? Maybe No. But still it is like that. Again it is a popular opinion. Now we are back to square one!

A Memoir...

2007-07-25T20:45:00.000+05:30

Yet another day is gone,
Just the same old work to do,
Just the same old life to live.
Yet life is somehow different to me,
A feeling of emptiness has prevailed,
Are you the reason??
I hope not, ‘cos outside it’s the same,
At least that’s what I’m trying to show.
But deep down I know
I just need you.

So many memories, so much laughter,
Our life was a blast,
Now it’s a cliché, it’s somehow void,
Though I’m pretending that’s not true.
Life goes on; life takes away people you care about,
Reality is an illusion created by lack of alcohol.
People come and people go, but…
No one can replace you.

Who can say where the road goes?
Who can say if there’s life after death?
I’m on my way pops, I have to be,
It’s just that…
I’m missing you...

IDEAL MATCH???

2007-07-23T23:18:00.000+05:30

samosto diner seshe sisirer shabder moton
sandhya ase;danar roudrer gondho muche phele chil';
prithibir sob rang nive gele pandulipi kore aojon
tokhon golper tore jonakir range jhilmil;
sob pakhi ghore fere-sob nodi-furay e-jiboner sob lenden;
thake shudhu ondhokar ,mukhomukhi bosiber BANALATA SEN!!

- BANALATA SEN, JIBANANDA DAS

(translated:
---------------
At day's end, like hush of dew
Comes evening. A hawk wipes the scent of sunlight from its wings.
When earth's colors fade and some pale design is sketched,
Then glimmering fireflies paint in the story.
All birds come home, all rivers, all of this life's tasks finished.
Only darkness remains, as I sit there face to face with Banalata Sen!!)

-----------------

She's a real nowhere person,
Sitting in her Nowhere Land,
Making all her nowhere plans
for nobody.

P.S: Is it? Is it Ideal? I don't know, but who cares, anyway?

Love or Obsession...

2007-07-21T17:20:00.000+05:30

I saw a girl in my dream, in my sleepwalk,
She was a person, her face was a blur, but it didn't matter,
It was just a matter of second but i thought I knew her.
Then i got to look at her closely, but without the face it's hard to recognize anyone.

I asked, "Do I know you from somewhere?". She smiled at me,
it was a simple yet flattering smile which made me tremble.
"Maybe in another life", She replied.
Then something happened.
Her blurred face was visible to me & i found myself numb suddenly.

I was looking at the lost love of my life & yet
I couldn't recognize her before.
I was stunned & feeling so foolish.
it's all in the face, it's in the eyes, and not in the body,
It's all time that matters, not sex, not even love.

"Do I care to spend more time with someone I love" - I asked myself.
Even if I couldn't, even if I failed to love someone,
Even if someone failed to love me, do I loose something?
Nothing equals nothing, why should i care,
Why i should i mourn for something that I never had?

This was when I woke up in the middle of the night,
And I was again feeling obsessed,
But then I was obsessed about my previous obsession.
This was the time to move on, this was the time to be free.
Who woke me?

The contrasting duo - Love and life.

2007-05-23T11:19:00.000+05:30

Life is a road, nothing you do can block the passage of time.
Life is a journey, though we are confused about the destination.
Love is euphoria, a reason to be missed by the loved ones.
Love is nostalgia, memory remains even if it is not there.

Life is a feeling, sometimes ecstatic, mostly dystopia.
Life is a waterfall, only static and mortal.
Love is a disobedient criminal, waiting for his capital punishment.
Love is like euphemism, only there is nothing called vice-versa.

Life is full of love, only if you are intelligent enough to choose it.
Life is a garden of hope if you don't know the meaning of expectation.
Love is a paranoia, a music for sensual instrument.
Love is life's own way of preserving memories.

Life and Love are two side of the river.
Love is the screen behind the mirror of life.
Life is the epitome of the abstraction of the observable universe,
Love is just our Milky Way within it.

Applied Thermodynamics : Is Hell Exothermic Or Endothermic?

2007-05-10T21:37:00.000+05:30

Disclaimer: I was never even mediocre in Thermodynamics that i would even think of this concept, i got that from NET a few years ago, the source i don't remember, but hat's off to the author whoever wrote this. With this small disclaimer, i think we are a ready to roll....

Is Hell Exothermic Or Endothermic?

A true story: A thermodynamics professor had written a take home exam for his graduate students. It had one question:

Is hell exothermic or endothermic?
Support your answer with a proof.

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law or some variant.

One student, however wrote the following:

First, we postulate that if souls exist, they must have some mass. If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving?

I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for souls entering hell, lets look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change in volume in hell. Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of souls and volume needs to stay constant.

1) So, if hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter hell, then the temperature and pressure in hell will increase until all hell breaks loose.

2) Of course, if hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until hell freezes over.

The student got the only A.

The PERFECTLY TRUE (so far!) "Official GOD F.A.Q" - believe it or not, got any proof to deny it?

2007-05-10T20:54:00.000+05:30

Hi My Dear Theist/Atheist/Agnostic/Others! Friends,

Just stumbled upon a wonderful website : Official GOD F.A.Q which documents all "Frequently Asked Questions" about GOD - The Almighty. Regardless of religious belief, everyone would be interested to view the FAQ , so here's a screenshot of the page as well as link to the site.

Check it out : http://www.400monkeys.com/God/

Do mail The international headquarters of The Official God FAQ if you have anything to update the FAQ portion (maybe you include me in BCC, I think I would be interested to know about that unlikely fact!

You believe it or not, got any proof to deny it?

A 24 someone in the Blogosphere

2007-04-14T08:30:00.000+05:30

Yes, i am 24 today. Yes, I am just a year behind for a quarter century! Big deal. This 24 is not 24 hours of my life (I am not Jack Bauer after all!) but 24 years, so If i start writing an autobiography, i might not be able to fit into this limited space. But most importantly, by the time i finish that nasty crap, it won't be my 24 birthday anymore, so i am postponing it for the future, let's say 48 (if i live that long!). If u know me then you should know that procrastination is one of the most favorite thing for me!

This day is somewhat different than the last 23 years of my life - a void - an empty space which i am not authorized to refill by whatever universal justice that controls the universe, at least i don't have any super power (what i know of). But otherwise how it is different from the last 23 years? Let me find out and maybe i will write a comparative study next year! Still being a quasi-optimist, i was looking for a ray of hope which is scattered everywhere, but i have realized that i just have to stop looking for it, then only i can find it. The best way to find something is to stop looking. Period.

What i have learned so far in my humble not-so-important-anyway life? When i write something, when i say something , i have learned that i have to be more careful, because of the YOYOW rule (You Own Your Own Words). I have learned to take responsibility for my own words. Part of my job now is also to take responsibility for other people's work, which i would hate to admit that I kinda like it! (as long as they don't screw it up, making me wanna eat their head!). All kidding aside, Some valuable lessons in life can't be taught, you just have to understand through your own course of actions. I know that. I have experienced that. Though i would say that experience is a marvelous thing that makes me recognize mistake when I repeat it. Probably that's why it's a common saying that never make the same mistake twice, there are so many new one to make! May be if I survive my 48th b'day, i will describe all the mistakes i have done in reverse chronological order! Till then - no big talk.

So, All i will be doing today is being myself - and that means lazying around the home, i will live my life - another day in the paradise (quite an euphemism it is , i guess!), i will do exactly what i do always - spread the plagiarism everywhere! I will do what i like to do - driving.

"City lights shine on the harbour,
Night has fallen down,
Through the darkness
And the shadow
I will still go on.

Long, long journey
Through the darkness,
Long, long way to go;
But what are miles
Across the ocean
To the heart that's coming home?" - - Long Long Journey, Enya (album: Amarantine)

But if i could do something i really wanted all along - i would just go for a long drive at the outskirt - just enjoy the scenic beauty of the event of horizon. I wanna live my way and lose my inhibition threshold. Instead i am sitting in front of the dumb terminal and writing this crap which nobody probably will even bother to read. Is that what they called "Blogadiction"?

I think. Therefore I know.

Can't get Music out of my head!

2007-04-12T21:00:00.000+05:30

Have you ever tried the best way of washing your fatigue away, after a long hectic day? I come to home at night, grab a bite to eat and just lie down , turn off the light, and listen to sweet classical Enya or soothing instrumentals of Robert Miles or mysterious enigmatic score of Enigma and I think, "True heaven is a place on earth!"

I am probably one of the worst singer in the world, i am probably nothing compared to the hi-fi music lovers around the world, but "viva la musica" is something i could live upon, always. I can relate everything in life with some sort of piece of music, how crazy it might seem, it is true. Life's path in front of me now, and i don't know how to recite it. But i know how well i can narrate it with the help of a lyrics that's inherent in me, that's can be used to depict the ins and out of my humble life, i think it is true of others also. That's why I try to describe me with music. So it is not an atrocious way of describing my life when i say:

"But if my life is for rent and I don't learn to buy
Well I deserve nothing more than I get
'Cause nothing I have is truly mine

I always thought
that I would love to live by the sea
To travel the world alone
and live more simply
I have no idea what's happened to that dream
'Cause there's really nothing left here to stop me

It's just a thought, only a thought

While my heart is a shield and I won't let it down
While I am so afraid to fail so I won't even try
Well how can I say I'm alive

But if my life is for rent and I don't learn to buy
Well I deserve nothing more than I get
'Cause nothing I have is truly mine..."

Dido has been always a favorite singer for me, but Life For Rent is something of an eye-opener for me , i couldn't find another more appropriate verse than this one.

It's a start - good or bad i don't know. Who can say? Only time!!!

Are you a Geek? Here's ur fav kind of April Fool's Day coming!

2007-03-29T23:55:00.000+05:30

Since you are reading this, even after viewing the subject line, i can only assume that you love pulling ur friend's ;eg in a geeky way! So, welcome! Join the club! Here's a lot of tip/tricks for you on april fool's day, just use whatever is suitable for you. And most importantly, don't show this to your would be victim before you fool 'em! Let the fun begins. Check out this awesome article at wired.com:

http://www.wired.com/culture/lifestyle/news/2007/03/aprilfools0329?currentPage=all

Make sure you vote for the craziest geeky prank and add something, if you have anything in your weird mind. Don't forget to tell me - i might wanna use it on you!

Cyao.

Some Longggggg words - will you even try to pronounce?

2007-03-15T08:39:00.000+05:30

Got this on the net, don't know who's the author - so don't sue me with copyright violation!

"I got this from a top 10 book of 2002 It's at school so I can't get the exact meaning and all of them for now but here's the longest word not name it said: :-) Ornicopytheobibliopsychocrystarroscioaerogenethliometeoroaustrohieroanothropoichthyopyrosider- ochpnomyoalectryoophiobotanopegohydrorhabdocrithoaleuroalphitohalomolybdoclerobeloaxinocoscino- dactyliogeolithonpessopsephrocatoptrotephraoneirochoonychodactyloarithstichooxogeloscogastro- gyrocerobletonooenoscapulinaniac Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis comes in at 5 if I remember right tied with supercala..... don't know how to spell it.

Then names I was stunned at these names, I took the really weird ones not all of them:

1.) (This one was split up for some reason.)

Krung thep mahankhan bovern mahihtharayutthaya mahadilok pop noparatratchathani burirom udomratchanivetmasathan amornpiman avatarnsathit sakkathattiyavisnukarmprasit

This is a poetic name of Bangkok, Thailand I believe.

2.) Taumatawhakatangihangakoauaubtamateaturipukakapikimanungahoronukupokaiwhenuakitanatahn

Maori hill in New Zealand

3.) Gorsafawddqchaidraigddanheddogleddollonpenrhynareurdreathceredigion

Fairbourne steam railway, Gwyneed, North Wales.

4.) Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrndrobwllllanstysiliogogogoch

Place named for the length of it's tickets by Gwynedd.

6.) Chargoggagoggmanchaugagoggchaubunagangamang

A lake near Webster, Massachusetts a Asian name."

Sense - what's the big deal?

2007-03-14T08:58:00.000+05:30

Human Sense is still a mystery, there are lot of researches going on to find out how exactly the brain works, how we perceive different information, how our brain interpret different information, which might vary from people to people, from time to time for the same people. On my way to become a good Netizen, i found this wonderful test. Just try to score more than 12, you will know that at least you are going somewhere!

http://www.bbc.co.uk/science/humanbody/body/interactives/senseschallenge/senses.swf

To Utopia and Back...

2007-03-06T19:06:00.000+05:30

I was just browsing through the Blog, when I happened to chance upon the word “Utopia” and found it to be the main theme set by my fellow Blogger. So, mostly out of enthusiasm to share my weird experience in this Blogspace, and somewhat out of curiosity for this interesting nomenclature of the Blog, I decided to put pen to paper, or for that matter, fingers to keyboard – whichever way you may like it.

It happened so, that last month or last week (again it’s your choice – whatever you like – both will take you to February), I received an invitation to spend a week in Utopia itself. The invitation was even more delightful because the invitation-card was signed by the Bearded Man Himself. It seems that ever since some inconspicuous writer called Dan Brown had tried to tarnish His character by bringing His love life into disrepute, He has been trying to maintain His public-relations well. Hence the invitation to insignificant earthlings.

Anyways, I was too overjoyed to receive it and my joy knew no bounds when the gates to Utopia came into view. Needless to say that I was not overjoyed to see the gates, but the two heavenly creatures who were flanking the gates, waiting to welcome into their kingdom, none other than me. To make it short, they were flawless. As they swayed their bodies in a sequence of practiced seductive moves in ushering me within the city gates, I could only imagine the week that lay ahead. Whatever it was, I was not one to complain.
Among other things, especially if you can concentrate on the environment rather than the Utopians, you will notice that Utopia is green with a capital G and that everybody is dressed in white. So, after changing into the customary white uniform, I gave myself up to the pleasures of Utopia.

To cut a long story short and for the benefit of the readers who could not stop imagining Utopians, I will not furnish any of the other mouth-watering details. It would suffice to say that at the end of the week I was least interested in leaving the place.
Yet as all good things eventually come to an end, my seven days in heaven also came to an end, and the customary time for feedback came (Yes they have it in Utopia as well). As I stood there ruing my chances, in front of the wise elderly man, he gave me a choice. It seemed that I had displayed impeccable behavior in Utopia (if gawking at female Utopians can be classified as impeccable behavior) and as recognition I could become its permanent member. As I was left thinking whether this really was happening to me and was trying to find the catch somewhere, the same way I try to find it in Credit Card offers in more familiar surroundings, the man came up with a condition. The following lines spell out his condition exactly as he said it:

Condition: “… The dynamics behind the happiness that you see all around you stems from a single rule. If you follow it, any place can be a Utopia. Needless to say, if you wish to stay back you will have to abide by the rule. The rule is simple: It is something like ‘Anything and Everything in Utopia is in share-mode’. Only then can you achieve the abundance and happiness that you see all around …”

As he continued to explain this so called simple rule, I slowly realized the full impact of his words. In ideal Utopian conditions there can be nothing that you can call your own, no wealth, no bank accounts, no fame, no power, not even the people you love. Because, according to him, it is this possessiveness that breeds greed and hatred.

But then where is the thin line between sharing everything and forsaking everything? I couldn’t have cared less. By then I was absolutely pissed off. The man’s reasoning, his logic, in fact now that I thought of it, everything about him sucked. I so wanted to leave the wretched place. Suddenly I wanted everything that I could possibly call my own.

Utopia was good for a vacation.

But I am not ready to be an Utopist. Not yet.

Ps: Somehow I don’t remember how I reached Utopia. I guess they have erased that part of my memory.

Calvinized!

2007-03-04T22:34:00.000+05:30

What would you rather be, if you can go back to your childhood, when you were just six years old? Spaceman Spiff - Interplanetary explorer worldwide, or Stupendous Man or a giant T.Rex? or Calvin? I know the answer. You'd want to be Calvin, only then you can also be the things mentioned above as your alter ego!

Back in 1985, when Bill Watterson started writing this comic strip, everyone probably thought it'll be just another stereotype comic strip like the others, where you'll laugh your brains out and forget all about it. Well, the best thing about Calvin and Hobbes is probably the degree of maturity and wit required by its readers to digest it's true meaning. Though Calvin is only six, do you think all the jokes can be understood by an average six year old? I even find a lot of grown-ups stumble in understanding some of the portions. The maturity level of this comic strip declares the unanimous challenge - "Are you brilliant enough to understand the brilliance of Calvin & Hobbes?"

Though a brilliant and thought provoking kid, Calvin finds it really difficult when it comes to Math, like most school kids. He usually hates kids and school and the education system in general ("Why waste time learning, when ignorance is spontaneous?") Through Calvin, Watterson has depicted a wide range of opinions in socio-political, psychological topics, even sensitive topics like education ("I don;t need to study! I don't need to learn!") and environment ("Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us."). Calvin's hatred for education & the apparent bluntness of the education system reminds me of Pink Floyd's view on wrong education ("We don't need no education, We don't need no thought control"). But in the end it's Calvin's mischief mongering is all that matters! It’s from the little guy that I've learned so many ways to crack a joke on someone!

What about Calvinosophy - the peculiar philosophy of Calvin on different topics? Yes, i am talking about the kid who can easily say ""Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words."! An hour or two of free time, one cup of coffee with one of Calvin's favorite snacks (cookie!) and a twisted weird mind of his might help me jot down the philosophy in my own word. Let's see.

Just another weekend around the corner.

2007-03-02T21:19:00.000+05:30

Hi Mr. (or Miss/Mrs/Master , whatever salutation it is!) another humble-blog-reader-of-my-another-humdrum-life-descripting-blog!

It's Friday, that means after a long and tiresome week, we are finally getting a weekend to spare some time without thinking about work or anything as such. Since I'm not particularly fond of writing my day-to-day experience in chronological order, or obviously you will be bored and bored and bored while reading that blog, so i have decided that i would do the same thing to bore you; because my blog is new, so the main audience of this blog will be my friends who might pay a visit here, after receiving so many life-threatening requests from me! So being a kick-ass, I would definitely want to pull their leg by writing all boring blogs like this.

In case you don't go away after reading so far, you might wonder what the fuss is all about - this blog - this bullshitting in an apparent utopian ambience like this. After mastering the art of writing absolute crap (i took quite a long time achieving this; almost 4 years !), i just want a post in my blog where i can write absolute bullshit in a sarcastic way - that's the main purpose of this post.

As i was sayin', it's weekend and I am home from office -- had a nice hot cup of coffee, my mom is preparing Khichuri (loosely translated, Gruel) - i am listening to my fav music and have a Calvin and Hobbes book with me to read - it's seems like true heaven is a place on earth!

Stay beautiful!

Imagini - My VisualDNA Widget - Check out.

2007-03-01T07:51:00.000+05:30

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

Two and a quarter men!

2007-02-25T15:11:00.000+05:30

Hello uncles and aunties!
I am a total SOB so Nils mah man has called me to counter all the goodness that he's tryin to spread via this blog of his. I can't really be his counterweight coz he weighs 30 kilos more then moi, but our brains weigh roughly the same! So without holding your breaths, do not wait for 'anythin spectacula', it ain't gonna come from me! I'll just try to be a very bad comic relief.

Now a bit self promotion:
my own blog
my orkut profile
And to make it a bit less self centred,
Nils da man's orkut profile

Cheers and Stay Sexy! ;-)

Just another blogger of the Utopian world

2007-02-25T12:58:00.000+05:30

No special comments necessary .

Check out my blog if you want to read some bullshit writing (Story, Poem, Literature etc.) in my own hand, give comments if necessary, constructive criticism is always welcome. I love criticism, my life is full of it ! I'm still working on the the blog, and i don't want this space to be just another daily web-log, so suggest some innovative way to make it alive (utopic, if i may say!).

Thanks to all my friends who have helped me organizing my otherwise hapazard thoughts into a organized blog!

Stay Beautiful,
Nilashis

Poem: Just to be with the nature

2007-02-25T12:10:00.000+05:30

The beauty of the nature will unfold its true identity,
Within the scenic surroundings of this godforsaken place.
Has it aroused the nature lover inside you,
Which was tormented by the day to day mess?

Come to the event of horizon in its wildest form,
River, forest, and mountain – everything got its own beauty.
Nothing can be more fascinating than mother earth herself,
I am neither ungrateful to be alive nor afraid of my duty.

POEM: A rhetorical poem of loss

2007-02-18T20:03:00.000+05:30

I dream of caring, the love of my life,
I felt like I’ve been seen the ray of hope.
I nurtured my dream in my silent prayer,
I never thought the passion could also term as dope.

You wanted to see me through the eyes of the sunshine,
I thought this is just an optical illusion,
I cared for the soul I loved,
I didn’t realize affection could also be delusion.

This is the aftermath of my pretended war,
I’m going to sink in the bottom of the sea,
Hope someday I’ll realize my mistake,
And will able to bring the best out of me.

I’ll miss the passion I always felt,
I’ll miss the pain in my eye.
I’ll bring the sunshine in my humble life,
I might pretend happiness but I’ll not lie.

POEM : Stillness of Silence

2007-02-18T19:52:00.000+05:30

Listen to the silence,
Free your mind.
Wake me up,
Take me to the wind.

Silence is the best loudness,
Feel the unknown.
Do you ever wonder
Why death makes you mourn?

Watch the unthinkable,
Stillness of Silence.
Solve the paradox,
Try to make some sense.

Take me in your arm,
Show me that you care.
Throw me in the rain,
Steal but don’t let me share.

Read the illegible,
Stillness of Silence.
Decode them for me,
I’m broke, don’t make me tense.

Can you feel,
Can you hear the stillness of silence?

Story of two strangers at Park St. Metro station

2007-02-17T11:24:00.000+05:30

She was watching me for a long time. Don’t know if she was flirting or freaking the hell outta me (that’s a big contrasting thought, isn’t it?), but one thing is for sure, she’d wanted to say something to me but couldn’t, probably deciding whether she should. At last she probably had mastered the courage to do so, “Are you looking for something or someone in here? You have missed quite a few trains so far!” she smiled.

“No”, I said simply, “I am here for only one thing, I wanna kill myself today.”

Panic instantly struck her face, “What? What the hell are you talking about? W-wh-why. What, I mean, wh-why do you wanna kill yourself?” she started to stammer.

“It is my life; I can decide whatever I want, right? I have decided to end it. That’s why I’m here, metro station has always been loyal to suicide-seekers, isn’t it?”

“I think I better call the cops!”

“Don’t! I would simply deny everything, so it is you who will get into trouble for harassing them unnecessary. I don’t want anyone to suffer anymore, just because of me.”

“Ha! I get you; you are another heartbroken Romeo who think suicide is the best option to end all your life’s problems.”

“I think you don’t understand me. I am happy with my love life, I have a girlfriend who loves me so much and I love her too. It’s not what it seems to you.”

“Whoa! And you’d want to do this to your girlfriend? Can you even imagine how she will feel when she’ll find out what happened to you?”

“Life goes on. She’ll get over with it & find somebody better than me. Don’t give me those sentimental bullshit, I’ve listened to all those crap for a long time, it doesn’t make any difference to me. And why do you even care, you don’t even know me!”

“That’s not the issue here. I can’t think of a fellow human being ending his life, especially when he’s happy. It’s just pathetic. You can have only one life, you better make use of it and instead you’re thinking of ending it, even if you are happy in your life.”

“Who said I’m happy?”

“You said you have a steady girlfriend whom you love very much. That’s an apparent sign of being happy, don’t you think?”

“Let me think for a while, am I happy? Do you really think happiness can come from material satisfaction like a job, like a girlfriend or a wife, like having a fancy car and a steady household income, so that you can watch TV at home & catch the blockbuster Hindi film at INOX? How do you feel if all those you can do, you have the monetary gratification & yet it’s seems to you that you are not enjoying your life to the slightest – the only precious life of yours? How do you feel when you’re standing in the threshold of a new beginning in your life& just do nothing while watching the train of opportunity stops in front of you and moves away without you, like the trains in this station?” I smiled at her, while watching another metro passing away.

“Forget about the damn metro; I can’t watch you die, I don’t want you to die. It’s just so pathetic!”

“You’ve said that already. Probably you are also thinking that I’m some kind of psycho or suffering from some bad kind of psychological disorder or mentally unstable or something like that, don’t you?”

“Yes, obviously, that’s what a normal person would think, so, yes. But I don’t understand, when you’re saying all these things, it seems to me that you are perfectly normal, and then what’s wrong with you? You still didn’t give me an apparent valid reason to kill yourself. ”

“Well, 1st of all; let me tell you that I think I’m not suffering from any disorders as such. But then all sufferers would say this exact same thing, so I wouldn’t expect you to believe me. It doesn’t really matter if you believe or not. 2nd of all, I chose suicide ‘cos I feel my life is nowhere, I don’t feel that I’m doing something valuable to my life. In brief, my life sucks! So, there’s no point in paying taxes, doing the mundane things that I’m supposed to do; in short, spending on my life.” I feel that my life has lost it’s meaning, so in a way, it’s dead. I’m just finishing the rest of the work – since my mind is dead, there’s no reason for this body to exist. All worthless things meant for only one thing – deletion.”

I continued, “So, thanks for talking to me. I am now to finish my purpose. Don’t try to stop me, there’s no purpose served.”

“You know what?” She replied in a tired, droned voice, “I’ll not try to stop you from killing yourself. Probably you have the reason to do so, even when to the outer world you seem to be enjoying your life. But I can’t watch that, so let me go away & then do whatever you needed to do. But I must thank you; you have given me a new life.”

Now it’s me who was surprised. “What do you mean?”

She smiled sadly, “it might seem ironic to you, but actually I was here for the same reason as you!” Then she added, “Obviously your course of action I meant and NOT the reason behind do so. My love life had been a disaster & just the same usual things that always made people to think differently, you know. I will not bore you with my so-obvious story. But now I have changed my mind.”

“You did?”

“Yes, it seemed to me that I’m the unhappiest person in the whole world, how silly of me! Here I am, in the metro station, trying to end my apparent horrible life, where I met a person who is 100 times happier than me is thinking of the same thing because of some philosophical or psychological issue related to life. And I thought I was being justified in what I was going to do. Thank God, I didn’t. I have heard some extremes of justification in these 20 minutes and now I think we all have our own reasons to be unhappy. We all think that the grass is greener on the other side of the river. So what’s the point of ending my life when I see a person like you who is much happier than me seems to think just the opposite? Where this variety of angle of vision is leading us? You go ahead, pal, my best of luck to you in this last game of yours!” She rides on the incoming train. I tried to find her in the crowded compartment of the metro, but couldn’t. In a minute the train was gone. I just saved someone’s life but that has cost me one thing – my imminent death!

I stood still in that almost deserted metro station. Its 3PM in the afternoon on a Saturday, a few people were roaming around the station, waiting for the next train (at least I hoped so!). Nobody was paying any attention to the humble conversation between two people who were standing in the threshold their death. A person commits suicide in a metro station, all the passerby will be watching the gruesome scene with utmost interest, but probably nobody has succeeded stopping them beforehand; probably nobody has anticipated what that person is going to do in the next minute. I don’t know how I have anticipated it, probably because I was going to do the same. Before I end my life, I wanted to save at least one life. Maybe I won’t meet her again in my life, but she gave me a new horizon – why should I die when I have gave someone a new life? Life is always uncertain, this is the thing which keeps us alive, be it happiness or sorrow – everything is uncertain. That doesn’t justify ending this uncertainty, and thus life!
I looked at my cell phone. Three missed calls from the same number! I dialed the number and got engaged myself again while waiting for the next metro.

Little did I know that somewhere far in the running metro, she was also thinking about the same thing, “I hope I have saved his life. I have seen his face when I got into the train. Now I’m pretty sure that I will not find any news of suicide in tomorrow’s newspaper, remotely related to that guy!”

Sometimes in life’s path we meet some people, who we may not be seeing again but who give us inspiration in a way we might not even have dreamt about. Two people in the Park St. metro station have realized that today. Somewhere down the line all of us might realize that.

Who knows?

P.S: This is a problem faced by Metro stations all over the world.There are two methods available in foreign metro stations :
1) Platform screen doors at train or subway stations screen the platform from the train. This is the most effective way to prevent suicides.
2) Automatic platform gates are chest-height sliding doors at the edge of railway platforms to prevent passengers from falling off the platform edge onto the railway tracks. Like full-height platform screen doors, these platform gates slide open or close simultaneously with the train doors. As compared to platform screen doors, these half-height platform gates are relatively cheaper to install as they require less metallic framework for support. As such, some railway operators may prefer such an option to improve safety at railway platforms and, at the same time, keeping costs low and non-air-conditioned platforms naturally-ventilated. These gates, however, are less effective, as compared to platform screen doors, in preventing people from jumping onto the tracks.

Maybe someday this kind of safety precautions will be implemeted in India.

A Little Euphoria!

2007-02-17T10:24:00.000+05:30

What’s the meaning of life? A neurologist is there to analyze the brain, but is there any “Lifologist” to ask? Everybody seeks happiness, but believe me – I’m not one of them. Happiness is not enough for me, it’s not what I want, I demand euphoria!

How am I going to get euphoria? Some says drugs like heroin, marijuana etc. brings that heavenly feeling. But I hate drugs! So obviously that’s not how I’m going to achieve it. Some says alcohol is the key. Well, there you go – I don’t hate it. In fact, it’s a de-facto standard for me when it comes to little enjoyment. But the amount of alcohol needed for “Euphoric divine” is beyond my jurisdiction! So I’m back to square one.

Man! Do you think I’m crazy? Do you feel I’m little bit psychic? Or I’m hallucinating and instead of doing things, I’m writing them? Well my dear friend, don’t worry. This is 100% of me in normal shape; it’s just that I need some euphoria! When it comes to philosophy, I know what I’m talking about, ‘cos I never studied that damn thing anywhere. So my thoughts will not be of bookish knowledge, but let’s face it, nothing but reality. Now how do you define reality? It’s a psychological equivalence of a psychedelic mind, distorted with euphoric experience of an ideal world! So my friend, welcome to the real world, it sucks! You gonna love it. Although right now I don’t, ‘cos I told you already, all I care about is euphoria, at least for the time being.

Coming back to the question, “How am I going to achieve euphoria?” If I’m to achieve that “Rhythm Divine” (not the song of Iglesias, but euphoria I’m talking about!), if I’m to achieve that heavenly feeling, if I’m to gather that in some sole possession, I have to do something thrilling or something big. I can try to buy a gold mine, which would be equivalent to doing something big (where I’m going to get that much of money is totally different discussions obviously!). Again I can visit Amazon and other exotic, almost unexplored rain forests around the world, which would be doing something thrilling (again whether I’ll be able to come back alive would be a matter of evening discussion over a pint of vodka!), but I’m confused already – Are those experiences at all considered as Euphoria?

Euphoria can be medically metaphorized as finding Venice treacle – it’s a grotesque chimera – a fantasy, whatever you wanna call it. Metaphor was always a huge tool for expressing the feeling of your mind (or soul, whatever), but there is no way we can metaphorize euphoria directly, since we don’t have an experience to use. But my way of achieving this feeling is speaking absolute bullshit, just like I’m doing right now! So, it’s a lousy way achieving euphoria, but yet an effective way. So, tell me my friend, what’s your way?

Nov, 2006