THE BEAUTIFUL BEGINNING

We wait each day for a new beginning……a new ambition,a new motivation.From the very early childhood,I often used to daydream.About what,you could ask.Well,from seeing myself scaling the heights of Mt. Everest to speaking to the ETs,from flying a fighter aircraft to winning the Maths olympiad!(well,I now think the first 3 were still weird to say the least.......but winning a maths olympiad,wow that was sure some guts to even dream of.......I am eternally terrified of that subject!).I did not notice when I had started to pen down all these in my notes.........its fun to read all of them...the greatest days of my childhood,the fondest and saddest memories of school and college,the times when our family came together to celebrate.....I had shared all those with me for more than 12 years now.
As a person,people around me say that I come across as ambitious,too serious and very down to earth(Wow...I must say I have hidden my dreamy part of me well).Okay,enough of self-praise(actually I am my personal favourite......a narcissist you would say).I consider myself sometimes stubborn,at other times impatient-I often fail to judje the implications of a rash action.As far as my beliefs go,I am an outright feminist,a believer in hard work and compassion.I am also a strong believer in the powers of the Almighty.My hero?The legendary Mrs.Indira Gandhi-an outstanding example of equal passion towards work and family-the truly balanced woman.Much ahead of her times.I consider her as Mentor.However,much nearer to home,I consider my mother a great tutor of life-I have learnt a thousand different things from her,in every aspect in life.Her never tiring energy in pursuing the best that life has to offer......her care for the family.....her selfless nature-i consider it all super-human.
I have often been eluded by targets and struggled in the pursuit of it....but suddenly when I hav achieved it all,I had failed to cherish it.I don't know why.But still I do not give in-u could call me obsessed.....but I will say I enjoy life like this and I try not to give in to its tests.I live life entirely on my own terms-cherishing my freedom and sqeezing out as much as I can.
But today I am here to for a special reason-to follow up my childhood passion of writing(writing anything I want for giving expression to my inner self.......n sometimes also writing nonsense in the process).I look forward to a very BEAUTIFUL BEGINNING of a new chapter in my life and a long lasting relationship with ZION-THE UTOPIAN WORLD AROUND US.

...And the Chrismas we spent together

Sitting in my balcony,looking up at the star-studded sky,I recollect his face.Almost nothing was noteworthy,not even worthy of a second glance-had it not been for those eyes,those large dark eyes.You could see his world thru them,you could visualize his inside,his thoughts,feel his pain and sense his restlessness.Initially I was often apprehensive of his cheerful gait,of his continued philanthropic interest in being the messiah of problems in others’ lives.But slowly when I got to know him this hesitation faded. I realised that all these were not the results of self-imposed hypocrisy but the prolonged pursuit of that one cherised goal in life-that of happiness.We bonded well in the days of my college.He was not an outstanding academic but a great enthusiast.The originality of his ideas and the penetration of his vision often left me awestruck.There was never a time when a person associating with him would leave empty-handed.
A Christian by birth,he celebrated Christmas with his family with great enthusiasm every year.The festivities continued till the beginning of the new year.He was always visibly relieved to finish off that December sem at college as he had to rush off to help his cousins in all kinds of preparations.It was the last year of college and quite a few of his friends(including me)had been invited to the festivities at his home.I did know much about wine,but with a little research here and there,I managed to pick up a fine one.I was greeted with the warmest welcome ever in my life.
It was a huge house-they were a family of professional lawyers.They were rich and famous in the city.His family members ranged from a 90+ to even a 6 year old(and they were literally uncountable).He switched several roles that evening-from that of a careful host to a cheery friend,of a babysitter to his nephews to that of a bartender.The most amazing thing was that he managed all of these with a natural prowess and a handsome smile.
I guess he was the only one in the party through whom the meaning of the occasion outshone-the celebration of giving unto those who do not possess what you have.He spread the message of the Lord like fire but without a deliberate and conscious effort.His unconditional love and care towards everyone and anyone made him special.Did he need any specific time to celebrate Christmas?-I wondered.
Some said I over estimated.I had no time to listen.Time was flying fast-he had so much to give,and I had so little time to grasp them all.For the first time in my life I found a true tutor of life,hope and love.He taught me to envisage life as a gift with too little a span to have any bitter feelings.He taught to forgive unflinchingly.How wonderfully in harmony he was with his natural self-he exemplified the meaning of ‘other’ in my life.I learnt to think and listen with compassion.He brought me to peace with my inner self.His only moments of pain and restlessness was when he saw others suffer.
Today when I recollect all these,I won’t say he has left a vacuum in my life.Rather I would say his vision still fills every corner of my life.Many said he was too magnamous from outside,but I realised that the simplicity he practiced was too unreal to believe from a distance.Many said he was too ordinary,but I realised that he was only an ordinary being with his mere extra-ordinary qualities.He will remain etched in my memory as an outstanding example of the beauty of life.

Just another dystopic verse ?

The year is almost over now, just a few days to go,
The promise is almost wore out now, with nothing left to show.
I am looking at the perfect sunshine now,
Feeling like deja vu, another set of vow.

Children are dying all over the world,
Stories of war, lie, crime and insanity are the topics not too old.
Life is too cheap and ambiguous for us,
Hell is just another place for a time-pass.

I think dystopia is too costly right here,
When no one even care to shed a tear.
Its time to start nurturing, start deciding our fate,
who knows, tomorrow might be too late?

Its time for the new year resolution for me,
touch the heart of another nihilist to be.
Love unconditionally, and xenophobia is too much to take,
Its a new start, its a new horizon, just I need to learn not to fake.

From now on, i will count the dots in my own way, indeed.

One more Christmas with no gifts to ask for...

Its Christmas time , though I am not really a religious person and I
know Santa Clause is not real (so I don't have to pretend to be good
so that I get some present!), but still Christmas is a happy season
for me. Mostly because we have long weekends and I LOVE long weekends
– four days to spend at home, doing nothing – relaxing – life can
never be more interesting than this! You know, with a traditional
weekend of two days, I am enthralled on Saturday and sat evening is
the best period of my life, knowing that tomorrow I don't have to get
up early! Then Sunday comes and I can do all the nothings I wanted,
but deep inside I know soon it will be evening and that means the time
is almost up. But with a long weekend, I don't have to be mourn for
that – I know I can mourn at the fourth day ! I know this is very
simple thing and you probably thinking "what's the point of writing
this one?" , but again only a blind man can understand another's pain!

This morning I had a wonderful dream. I was dreaming that I am in
countryside (should have been somewhere nearby) and all the roads, the
valley, the trees are covered with snow. It's looking fantabulous and
there's no one but me in sight. I faced with a dilemma between skiing
and sledding (actually it was not actually a dilemma at all, 'cos I
never tried any of them!)

Christmas is the best for one more reason – Its not one long weekend,
its two! Oh My God! Can anything BE much better than this? Christmas
is time of happiness, I know for some people happiness is just a
snowflake in the peak of winter season, but again its angle of vision
is all that matters how you differentiate a wonderful day with its
monotonous counterpart! The next best thing is new year and so its
time for new year resolution. I always take this resolution thing
pretty seriously, sometimes I even decide to make same no of
self-improving resolution as the year we are in, this way I already
have one less resolution to come with!

Wish you all a merry Christmas, for me its again one more Christmas to no gifts to ask for...

The waiting has began...

When you really like something , when you are doing really something interesting, it does not matter how long are you stuck, you would want to finish the work. Interest is all that matters, as if it is directlyproportional to the no of hours spent on a particular thing, be inanimate object or the opposite! I love technical work, but checkingof the alignment of data and formatting it in a 1000 row excel sheets what drives me crazy – I feel like let's make a day and kill someone so that I get to enjoy the freedom (irony of the day would that be, though!). Today when I look back at the days I had in my not-so-important-at all life so far, I feel like Calvin - "Why isn't my life like a situation comedy? Why don't I have a bunch of friends with nothing better to do but drop by and instigate wacky adventures? Why aren't my conversations peppered with spontaneous witticisms? Why don't my friends demonstrate heartfelt concern for my well being when I have problems? ...I gotta get my life some writers."
Its finally Friday and that means two more days to spend doing all the nothings I've always wanted. Spending weekend is only fun when you don't plan and spend it, you will feel like there is a lot of things you could have done but end up not doing anything at all, and still its like doing a lot, because deep inside you know the moment Monday morning comes, if have to go someplace, either an institution or the next worse thing (job) and you will end up doing some work; somethingf or somebody else and somebody else makes you do that is not going to make any difference to anybody if you don't do it. Sounds like philosophy of spoonerism, but it's the common real life hard-fact truth!
It finally weekend, and its going to snow soon, and i just found out that its already started, so euphoria is something i can vividly describe, but its not complete - I am not satisfied, because i am missing some people who are close to my heart.

"While the days slipped by from my window watching,
because the things you say and the things you do surround me,
while you were hanging yourself on someone elses words,
dying to believe in what you heard,
I was staring straight into the shining sun

Lost in thought and lost in time
While the seeds of live and the seeds of change were planted

I took a heavenly ride trough our silence
I knew the waiting had begin
And headed straight... into the shining sun." - Coming back to life, Pink Floyd


The waiting has began...