The key to happiness is to find a few friends who will love you despite all the mistakes, who will be at your side when nobody wants to be. That gives life a purpose. A meaning. That's how friendship is born. I do not need to celebrate a friendship day, because every day is celebrated in that way, if you have a few friends to spoil your life in that way. I also do not need to tag you and show it. You all know who you are. Happy friendship day everyday.

A little criticism about Homecoming!

Let me clarify that title first! This is not a post about the tradition of welcoming back alumni of a school, the title can be misleading. This is about experience of an outsider who went home recently and realized he belonged there, except the situations their friends and family create for him, not that its a complaint letter, because love and affection can sometimes be overbearing. This is such a story. If you are not bored, read on.

I realized that family,extended family and friends get really concerened that I am not really eating much even though my height and width betray that confidence to the extent! I also realized that number of calories I will be gaining is exponentially proportional to either the number of visit I make to different home or number of time I have to eat in the same home. Since neither really is helping me, i better go out and try to loose some calories in between visits!

I also realized that either the sentimental nature of our family has increased (maybe axiomatically?) since last time or they are really weak at math and biology : the understanding of the simple fact that human stomach has a finite capcity and its not really extensible in nature. The first show of protest/request/begging that I show (while astronomical amount of edible objects are being planned to deliver thru my digestive system) are tackled with objection, strong emotions such as sorrow, rage, dissapointment and pointing out the universally known fact (!) at my age, they use to digest an entire chicken/goat/fish etc. etc. etc. Eventually tear duct will overflow and torned between these emotions and my bowl's capacity, I had to sacrifice the 2nd. Effect: Restroom is the best place to stay forever!

I could have written more, but nature's call comes first. Au Revoir!

Home's where peace is...

Home. Late night parties. Cheering with glasses. With a few empty glasses kept for missing friends. Waking up seeing the Sun at Midtown! A clueless walk near the lakes. Chatting up with an old friend. Eating all kinds of tasty junk foods, funky laxatives. Eating sweets. Lots of sweets! Driving in a chaotic but peaceful road. Driving aimlessly. Maybe a morning walk. Maybe not. Probably not! Lots of options. Lot of peace. Mostly pieces of peace.

Home's where peace is. Home's where I want to be. Home's where I will be. For a while.

A lonely life!!

Hi there people....i hope that you all still remember me as one of the members of this blog because I have really forgotten when did I post last.Well, I am at Mumbai at present doing something...umm.....something important and worth the salary I get at the end of the month I guess.But life is too tremendously lonely,i laugh,I cry , I be happy sometimes with no one to care for or give me a look.I miss my home, the warmth of my parents' care and love( I am the younger child and have had all those not so necessary priviledges).I miss my naughty nephew and my dear li'l niece tremendously...am missing her growing years(wail!!). And I miss my home environment, my room, my bed, my PC, my mirror...God!, the list is long and I miss every other li'l thing. My mom's home cooked food-God, it was such a treat.Here people are so different, the entire culture just knows how to run be it trains or their jobs.The environment is very competitive, but the work culture is damn robust.People work at the speed of light and enjoy office like hell.They even celebrate all their festivals at office....diwali,navratri( I danced with my boss at the dandiya,imagine!!).People here are warm otherwise, though they push a lot on trains,they are damn crowded and I consider myself lucky if I get a foot on the footboard).The culture here is quite cosmo,people are free to adapt to any situation and they travel on trains right after the day of the bolmb blast.....The spirit is indomitable!!...and the young crowd is hep!!....HEY,one minute have I started to say that I like Mumbai??....Oh , God am sooooo confused....sumtimes I miss home but at other times I feel like swaying myself in the true spirit of Mumbai!!

This is a post-it thank you note to my life from me. Somehow I think you can relate it to you too..

Its my life, it might be boring sometimes, it might be dull, tired, happy, blissful, blank once in a while, or whatever contrasting adjectives can be applied here, ultimately i have realized that it IS my life and i have to make it interesting, the onus fall on me and me only. There is nobody else to blame if something goes wrong, there is only one person to give credit if everything goes right. My life might be devoid of emotion sometimes, might be flooded with emoticons sometimes or clouded with pollution once in a while, i am grateful that whatever super power (if he is there!) has given me this opportunity to spend time with my loved ones and i am not going to waste even a precious second to falter just because i am sad or not feeling exactly what happy people call "Euphoria".

Small things can make me happy, be it a little post it note in front of the fridge or a sweet nothing in my ear, or a simple thank you for something i have done. I think i have done something good in my life, because i stumbled in my life once in a while but it has been good as a whole. Life's obstacles has actually proven to be bliss to me so far, i have realized and set proper priority in both my professional and personal life and i have learned to ignore all the things i should be ignoring from the very beginning.

This is a post-it thank you note to my life from me. I am happy, but it's not like I'm euphoric. Maybe someday, maybe not, but i am not complaining. I have no regrets. I am me and I am indeed okay.

An Obituary (sort of!)

I thought I’ve found the one I want to hold on to. I thought that I would be happy, by making you happy. Every single moment of my life in the last couple of years was dedicated to you. YOU. Then you dedicated your time to someone else, or at least looking for someone else. You admitted that to me and I was happy, didn’t think of me but of you, that finally you might be happy for a change. I thought you were happy and I will be able to make you happy, in spite of all differences that we have, ‘cos nobody’s perfect. The key to happiness is to find someone who will love you despite all the mistakes, who will be at your side when nobody wants to be. That gives life a purpose. A meaning. I guess I’ll always look for that purpose. Again. And Again.

I wanted you to be happy in life. No matter what happen to me, I will always try that. Some people will probably tell you to exploit that fact. Some people will probably tell me not to get exploited. In the end it does not matter. I tried so hard and got so far. We will survive, either with each other or separately. But will we be happy? Only time will tell.

If someday you want me to hold you in my arms and tell you everything’s gonna be alright, you know I will do just that. I will do anything for you, love is a decision to me and I chose to love you, in spite of anything. My love doesn't need a reason. If something unexpected happen and I get hurt by you, I might be devastated. But I will still love you. Because it’s YOU.

Will I find you in my solitude? Will you see me in another? We were looking for someone else. I know I'll find another. You'll find another. I'll never find you. You'll never find me. If we do, it will be us. Again.

And when we meet, Which I'm sure we will, All that was there, Will be there still
I'll let it pass, And hold my tongue, And you will think, That I've moved on.

I will go down with this ship, and I won't put my hands up and surrender,
There will be no white flag above my door, I'm in love and always will be.

Memories return...

Late night. Happy fudges melts in your mouth. A quick note attached to your back. A small leg pull - either literally or metaphorically! Some urban legends. Sweet tickle, small teasing about height (or width!) or age. Metro ride. A backward journey. An innocent metro ride to the station in the opposite way! A rainbow of laughter about some innocent (or non-so-innocent!) joke. some silly comments. Some distant thoughts. A hustle made in the corner of a train station. A fine given for not buying the ticket at the correct place! A simple song at the back of your mind. Some silly thoughts to ponder. Some slip of tongue. Some pronounciation mistakes! A sudden change in your thoughts. A call at the middle of the night. A call at the middle of the day. A feeling not remotely known, yet so close to heart.

Like the distant waves, my thoughts will keep you awake in your sleep. Most people don't know what is in our subconscious mind, not sure if that's something somehow somewhere will come out. Maybe it would be too late then, but still it's worth knowing, worth waiting, worth sharing.

Memories return. Somewhere. Somehow. Some time. Some place.

It's not the cause. It's only the effect and how you deal with it.

There are moments where you just don't know what to do with the information that's available to you, and how to process it positively and how to make some sense out of it. There are moments when you feel so alone that you could reach out to sky for some company. There are moments when love is not in sight, faith is redundant and xenophobia sets in. There are moments when you might discontinue your love for someone, your trust for someone, your whole existence for someone. but do NOT know how to discontinue or neglect the bond, the affection that took so many years to develop, and you are torn up between what is illusion and what is real.

The love, the trust, the caring, the intimacy all can be destroyed in a second if you really want to, but not the bond, the affection that grows slowly. That one hurts really bad while you slowly try to dissipate; not because you want to, but because you have to, or you can NOT move on. Life goes on and if we can't tally with life's oscillation, we will be so far behind that we can't even see the ending line. It's not like you are unhappy 'cos deep inside you know its what you want for the someone else to be happy, no matter what happens to you.

It's not the cause. It's only the effect and how you deal with it.

Money or Ice-cream - which is more important?

Yesterday I was crossing a footbridge between SaltLake and LakeTown and i saw an old lady with a kid lying in the pavement, asking for help. When i went to give her some money, she politely refused and explained that she's not begging for money, but the kid wanted to eat an ice-cream and she would be greatful if somebody can buy one ice-cream from the ice-cream truck nearby. I actually bought three and kept one for myself. They were so happy and I didn't know how exactly am I to depict my state of mind. In today's greedy world, where people thrive for money, they need more even though they have a lot, people misjudge friends and relatives for money, where there is money, there are 500 relatives, and here was an old lady who I'm sure need money desperately but didn't ask for anything. She was going to be happy with just one ice-cream for the kid! Do you call it an irony or an exception of the system? Maybe it is.

Wasn't a blog is supposed to be something which touched your heart? Am I so inappropiate in stapling this piece of paper in my blog? I don't know, maybe. Do I give a damn? Nope. Enough said Fred!

Just Another b'day in this paradise!

Two years ago I depicted my life @24, the complete blah-blog can be found here: http://around-zion.blogspot.com/2007/04/24-someone-in-blogosphere.html. Well, I am two years older now and when I look back at these two years, I try to think if I've really gained anything or lost everything? One thing for sure, i've learned to live without my most fav person in the whole world, but I've found my other most fav person whom I don't want to even loose for an hour - so yeah, i've gained something for sure!

Though I'm Still a quasi-optimist, i have stopped looking for a ray of hope which is scattered everywhere, not just because I've found one, but i know by now for sure that how to hold on to it for life. I care. I simply will care, and i will show it too. It does not matter what people think, i don't care about them anyway! I know i'm gonna spent the day with my family and that's all it matters to me. Most of us don't remember this small anecdotes anyway.

I still wanna live my way and lose my inhibition threshold.

30 things i want to do before i turn 30....

I would want to :
30. First of all, make the list of thirty things i want to do - yes, this list i am talking about.
29. A trip to the extreme North Sikkim, India once more and this time no turning back at 17,150 feet anymore!
28. Decide to spend the rest of my humble life with someone I love and commit to it.
27. Go to Easter Island, Chille - my dreamplace for how long i don't even remember.
26. Visit a cemetary at night and spend some time alone there.
25. A trip to someplace near with my nephew and nieces - those who're very close to my heart.
24. Stay awake all night and do nothing.
23. Try not to think so much and just do whatever comes on the spur of the moment - at least for a day.
22. Find my dream-home.
21. Take a long drive to somewhere where no one knows two of us!
20. Ride a train, go somewhere without any destination and visit a place i know nothing of.
19. Buy a dog for our home.
18. Visit Agra to watch Taj-Mahal.
17. Teach how to drive a car to someone I love.
16. Learn how to make Lasagna.
15-1 : Find 15 more things to include in this list !!!
Now i realize at this point how lame is to create a list like this, where i can just do and not think or plan the list of doable things to be done before i turn 30 which is just 4 years from now! I am going offline now, see you in North Sikkim!

Kichhu bhalo lage na.....

Lost in the way I want to live clinging to him all my life.Life was so void,but still I never felt alone.Perhaps I was used to life like that-lonely and in my own little world;there was restricted admission for everyone but I don’t know why doors flew open for him,why my heart went out for him.Who was he?Any other ordinary person who maybe had passed by my side a hundred times in my life and I haven’t cared to give a side glance........why did he then sweep the earth from beneath my feet?Why did he turn everything upside down for me??......shobkichhu olotpalot kore dilo toh o.....ekebare elomelo......hothat asha kalbaishaki thik jemon hoi.......
Tabuo bhalo lage or sathe thakte sobshomoy........everyone says that the feeling is like that.....its makes u feel the real utopia in life.....
But lately things are not that sweet....the feeling of tiredness has creeped in....I have become too demanding and he is too tired living upto my huge expectations....I am blind without him in life.....sottei andhokar dekhi....jani na ki hoyechhe
I know he reciprocrates my feelings but I crave every moment for him......kichhu bhalo lagena oke chhara.....the colours of life fade in his absence.......this is becoming a dangerously possessive feeling for me......
I want him to be with everyone.......but I want him to be with me......I am confused.....I don’t really know what I want....I am going mad.....but he says he can’t lose everything on earth for me........he is true from his side.....but I still fail to understand....
Am I going mad?.....I ask myself.......yeah maybe.......I really don’t know.....what am I suffering from??......Am i becoming pshychic??

Yet I never forget

And I went on in a crow-drenched afternoon,
towards a sleepness night, with no moon in sight,
felling grumpy like a just-awaken baby
after a long sleep & then nature is calling.

Still i go on, for what its worth
I don't have the faintest idea about
what's going on in my life right now,
excess happienss is something make you cripple,
like this?

Yet there's no realization
of own self-esteem where I can
know & see that
I've accompolished something worthwhile
today.
That feeling is one of the most irritating feeling
a grown man can ever feel in his life.

And
I move on.
From endless horizon to dark walls.
Tired, discontent, hungry,
A hungry mind knows nothing but food.
Obesity is undefined in his dictionary.

Days go by but I'll never forget.

Universe is small?

Last night i was outside of my apt,

and i was watching the up above to sky

and i thought,

how small our life is 

while i see some stars blinking that probably does not exists 

at this very moment 

anymore.

Our Universe, 

Milky Way, 

Our galaxy,

everything is infinite.

Even how much do we even know about

the unobservable universe,

beyond the reach of the strongest telescope in the world.

beyond the reach of the inter-galactic spaceships we built,

or will be building.

Isn't it fascinating and equally ironic to know that the light from the smallest, most redshifted galaxies originated maybe roughly 13 billion years ago,

while we ponder upon the memories from last year!

Talk about mathematical comparison between the two, huh?
and when i look at the event horizon at night,

i feel so relaxed and calm

unlike i used to feel 

when i was child 

and i used to look at the stars

and wondering 

what and where the hell am i looking at?

And if you start considering Multi verse,

how many this piece of crap 

exists elsewhere?

P.S: Its kinda obvious how small our earth is, if you consider the enitre (observable + Unobservable) Universe, the position of our earth is like this :

Universe -> Observable universe -> Large-scale structures -> Virgo Supercluster -> Local Group -> Milky Way Galaxy -> Orion Arm of the Milky Way -> Gould Belt -> Local Bubble -> Local Interstellar Cloud -> Solar System

 -> Earth

An abstract Labyrinth called Friendship

Friends are like Wine, the older the relationship, the better.

Friends are like Lipstick, the formality is easy to wear off.

Friends are only human, they can sometime falter.

Friends are pain in some places, always ready to piss you off!

Friends are like piece of your mind, wavelength's has to match,

Friends are like a Shrink, will surelly know when you itch.

Friendship is like a huge door without a latch, 

Friends are always ready to be the irritating bitch!

Friendship is like an ocean, the vastness is not comprehensible at once,

Friends are always couple of cups of coffee away from you,

Friends are nature's way of keeping you away from dunce,

Friendhip should be like a shirt; torned ones are easy to sew.

Thanks for being my friend in good and bad days,

Nothing i say can show you how greatful i'm,

So let's do the simple thing instead that says,

"let's continue to have some jagged memories in tandem".

Poem: Amalkanti by Nirendranath Chakraborty :

Amalkanti is my friend,
We did our schooling together.
He used be a regular latecomer in class, not good in study,
when asked about some word-meaning,
he used to be looking at the window, dumbfounded.
Then we felt really bad.

Some wanted to be master, some doctor, some lawyer.
Amalkanti didn't want any of that.
He wanted to be the sun-beam.
The shy sun-beam of rainwashed, crow-drenched afternoon,
Which sticks around the leaves of rose-apple like a chuckle.

Now some of us are master or doctor or lawyer.
Amalkanti couldn't be the sun-beam.
He is working in a dark press.
Sometime he comes to see me,
We drink tea, chit-chat for a while and when he says "I have to go."
I give him send-off until the front-door.

Among us who is the Master,
He would've been the doctor,
Who wanted to be the Doctor,
It wouldn't harm anyway if he was a lawyer.
Still everyone got their wish fulfilled, except Amalkanti.
He couldn't become the sun-beam.
That Amalkanti, who used to think about sun-beam,
and one day wanted to BECOME the sun-beam.


This is one of my fav poem of all time - somehow the concept was really intriguing to me, we want to be a lot of things, but probably nobody wanted to be sunbeam!

ekta khola chithi akaser kache.

With due apology to all my non-bengali-speaking friends, once in a while i feel an urge to write something in my mother toungue which i can't simply ignore right now.

amader jibone anek kichu notun abiggota hoi jegulo amra sob somoi thikthak bhaabe prakash korte parina kintu tar mane to ei noi je segulo sotyi noi - segulo nijer modhye amra feel korte pari na ?

ekta ektu kom sona ekta anyorakam ekta gaan sunchilam - gaan ta jani naa kono karone amar bhishon priyo "Arjun Sen" by Jotugriho...

"tabu aj din chole jai, sohorer opare,

protidin mon more jai, protidin... prantore,

bhenge jai swapnera andhare.."

prithibi ta sotyi e boroi nisthur, se kono kichu r protikha kore na - ekta duto manus r mrityu tar mota chamrai dag kate na , kar jibone ki dukho kosto - take casually katiye diye dei ... and life goes on... pore thake jara - tara darwin dadu r twotto poreni ba porle o bojheni! 

amader ei ekta jibon e beshi somoi paaoa jai naa anondo korar , sutorang jibon katano r jibon take upobhog korar modhye anek parthoyoko theke jai.

sutorang amra amar dukho kosto niye mon kharap kore bari te bose thakte pari, atahba segulo bhule giye khola akaser niche cricket khelte beriye porte pari . ami dwitiota korchi - what about u?

Niagara and 1000 Islands, New YorkNiagara Falls, 1000 Islands and En route - many places in NJ, PA and NY

Niagara and 1000 Islands, New York

Once in a while u need to wash away your fatigues and i don't know if any other falls is better than Niagara in doing it for you aautomatically!

Weekend is baseless unless you spend it absolutely erratically!!

Weekend is the lost desert from your weekday's dinner.
Life is pointless if you planned your life during these time,
It's time for enjoyment of your heart to soul, both outer and inner.
Feeling of relaxed journey in your own way is worth not more than a dime.

I feel alive every weekend, and afterwards a zombie to be,
reincarnation such as this is boring but a must have for my life.
Pointless laziness is the point of having a weekend to me,
Haphazard erratic thoughts are the output of a weekendified life!

Weekend is baseless unless you spend it absolutely erratically!
Weekend is four-dimensional, time flies before you know it.
Weekend is beautiful if you looking though the window philosophically,
Weekend is romantic if you are spending it with someone distinct.

An Echo of this seems like Déjà vu all over again!


P.S: Well, this is just some realization, some retrospect in how i feel about life at weekend, did not able to cover all the aspect, its just a gist of gist of everybody's life. since i am writing it in weekend, i am becoming hypocrite in a some way - so more description might be available on a weekday's post!!

A funny way of looking at my life in a plagiarized music-maniac fashion!

I feel like Loosing myself (not like Eminem),
into the "High Hopes" of my peers.
Not a "Zombie" yet, but somehow it seems like "Comfortably numb".
I wanted to get out of "Cloud number nine",
to show everyone that "I'm alive!".
But i couldn't find "the reason" and now i'm "Crawling in the dark",

So "Here I am", this is me;
"The tide is turning" and the I am trying to “Coming back to life”,
So from now onwards I will be optimistic until “Evening falls”,
I will wait for “My December”,
And remember “All the things she said”;
But try the attitude of “Don’t worry, be happy”!

“In the end”, I will think about “My Immortal”,
I will try to feel the “gravity of love”.
Without it, “My life is for rent”, I feel so “numb”,
It’s a “Mad World” out there, and there are “No Apologies”.
Yet “nothing else matters”, because I have “my love”,
Only how I wish, how I “Wish you were here”.