This is a post-it thank you note to my life from me. Somehow I think you can relate it to you too..

Its my life, it might be boring sometimes, it might be dull, tired, happy, blissful, blank once in a while, or whatever contrasting adjectives can be applied here, ultimately i have realized that it IS my life and i have to make it interesting, the onus fall on me and me only. There is nobody else to blame if something goes wrong, there is only one person to give credit if everything goes right. My life might be devoid of emotion sometimes, might be flooded with emoticons sometimes or clouded with pollution once in a while, i am grateful that whatever super power (if he is there!) has given me this opportunity to spend time with my loved ones and i am not going to waste even a precious second to falter just because i am sad or not feeling exactly what happy people call "Euphoria".

Small things can make me happy, be it a little post it note in front of the fridge or a sweet nothing in my ear, or a simple thank you for something i have done. I think i have done something good in my life, because i stumbled in my life once in a while but it has been good as a whole. Life's obstacles has actually proven to be bliss to me so far, i have realized and set proper priority in both my professional and personal life and i have learned to ignore all the things i should be ignoring from the very beginning.

This is a post-it thank you note to my life from me. I am happy, but it's not like I'm euphoric. Maybe someday, maybe not, but i am not complaining. I have no regrets. I am me and I am indeed okay.

Memories return...

Late night. Happy fudges melts in your mouth. A quick note attached to your back. A small leg pull - either literally or metaphorically! Some urban legends. Sweet tickle, small teasing about height (or width!) or age. Metro ride. A backward journey. An innocent metro ride to the station in the opposite way! A rainbow of laughter about some innocent (or non-so-innocent!) joke. some silly comments. Some distant thoughts. A hustle made in the corner of a train station. A fine given for not buying the ticket at the correct place! A simple song at the back of your mind. Some silly thoughts to ponder. Some slip of tongue. Some pronounciation mistakes! A sudden change in your thoughts. A call at the middle of the night. A call at the middle of the day. A feeling not remotely known, yet so close to heart.

Like the distant waves, my thoughts will keep you awake in your sleep. Most people don't know what is in our subconscious mind, not sure if that's something somehow somewhere will come out. Maybe it would be too late then, but still it's worth knowing, worth waiting, worth sharing.

Memories return. Somewhere. Somehow. Some time. Some place.

It's not the cause. It's only the effect and how you deal with it.

There are moments where you just don't know what to do with the information that's available to you, and how to process it positively and how to make some sense out of it. There are moments when you feel so alone that you could reach out to sky for some company. There are moments when love is not in sight, faith is redundant and xenophobia sets in. There are moments when you might discontinue your love for someone, your trust for someone, your whole existence for someone. but do NOT know how to discontinue or neglect the bond, the affection that took so many years to develop, and you are torn up between what is illusion and what is real.

The love, the trust, the caring, the intimacy all can be destroyed in a second if you really want to, but not the bond, the affection that grows slowly. That one hurts really bad while you slowly try to dissipate; not because you want to, but because you have to, or you can NOT move on. Life goes on and if we can't tally with life's oscillation, we will be so far behind that we can't even see the ending line. It's not like you are unhappy 'cos deep inside you know its what you want for the someone else to be happy, no matter what happens to you.

It's not the cause. It's only the effect and how you deal with it.

Money or Ice-cream - which is more important?

Yesterday I was crossing a footbridge between SaltLake and LakeTown and i saw an old lady with a kid lying in the pavement, asking for help. When i went to give her some money, she politely refused and explained that she's not begging for money, but the kid wanted to eat an ice-cream and she would be greatful if somebody can buy one ice-cream from the ice-cream truck nearby. I actually bought three and kept one for myself. They were so happy and I didn't know how exactly am I to depict my state of mind. In today's greedy world, where people thrive for money, they need more even though they have a lot, people misjudge friends and relatives for money, where there is money, there are 500 relatives, and here was an old lady who I'm sure need money desperately but didn't ask for anything. She was going to be happy with just one ice-cream for the kid! Do you call it an irony or an exception of the system? Maybe it is.

Wasn't a blog is supposed to be something which touched your heart? Am I so inappropiate in stapling this piece of paper in my blog? I don't know, maybe. Do I give a damn? Nope. Enough said Fred!

Just Another b'day in this paradise!

Two years ago I depicted my life @24, the complete blah-blog can be found here: http://around-zion.blogspot.com/2007/04/24-someone-in-blogosphere.html. Well, I am two years older now and when I look back at these two years, I try to think if I've really gained anything or lost everything? One thing for sure, i've learned to live without my most fav person in the whole world, but I've found my other most fav person whom I don't want to even loose for an hour - so yeah, i've gained something for sure!

Though I'm Still a quasi-optimist, i have stopped looking for a ray of hope which is scattered everywhere, not just because I've found one, but i know by now for sure that how to hold on to it for life. I care. I simply will care, and i will show it too. It does not matter what people think, i don't care about them anyway! I know i'm gonna spent the day with my family and that's all it matters to me. Most of us don't remember this small anecdotes anyway.

I still wanna live my way and lose my inhibition threshold.

30 things i want to do before i turn 30....

I would want to :
30. First of all, make the list of thirty things i want to do - yes, this list i am talking about.
29. A trip to the extreme North Sikkim, India once more and this time no turning back at 17,150 feet anymore!
28. Decide to spend the rest of my humble life with someone I love and commit to it.
27. Go to Easter Island, Chille - my dreamplace for how long i don't even remember.
26. Visit a cemetary at night and spend some time alone there.
25. A trip to someplace near with my nephew and nieces - those who're very close to my heart.
24. Stay awake all night and do nothing.
23. Try not to think so much and just do whatever comes on the spur of the moment - at least for a day.
22. Find my dream-home.
21. Take a long drive to somewhere where no one knows two of us!
20. Ride a train, go somewhere without any destination and visit a place i know nothing of.
19. Buy a dog for our home.
18. Visit Agra to watch Taj-Mahal.
17. Teach how to drive a car to someone I love.
16. Learn how to make Lasagna.
15-1 : Find 15 more things to include in this list !!!
Now i realize at this point how lame is to create a list like this, where i can just do and not think or plan the list of doable things to be done before i turn 30 which is just 4 years from now! I am going offline now, see you in North Sikkim!

Kichhu bhalo lage na.....

Lost in the way I want to live clinging to him all my life.Life was so void,but still I never felt alone.Perhaps I was used to life like that-lonely and in my own little world;there was restricted admission for everyone but I don’t know why doors flew open for him,why my heart went out for him.Who was he?Any other ordinary person who maybe had passed by my side a hundred times in my life and I haven’t cared to give a side glance........why did he then sweep the earth from beneath my feet?Why did he turn everything upside down for me??......shobkichhu olotpalot kore dilo toh o.....ekebare elomelo......hothat asha kalbaishaki thik jemon hoi.......
Tabuo bhalo lage or sathe thakte sobshomoy........everyone says that the feeling is like that.....its makes u feel the real utopia in life.....
But lately things are not that sweet....the feeling of tiredness has creeped in....I have become too demanding and he is too tired living upto my huge expectations....I am blind without him in life.....sottei andhokar dekhi....jani na ki hoyechhe
I know he reciprocrates my feelings but I crave every moment for him......kichhu bhalo lagena oke chhara.....the colours of life fade in his absence.......this is becoming a dangerously possessive feeling for me......
I want him to be with everyone.......but I want him to be with me......I am confused.....I don’t really know what I want....I am going mad.....but he says he can’t lose everything on earth for me........he is true from his side.....but I still fail to understand....
Am I going mad?.....I ask myself.......yeah maybe.......I really don’t know.....what am I suffering from??......Am i becoming pshychic??

Yet I never forget

And I went on in a crow-drenched afternoon,
towards a sleepness night, with no moon in sight,
felling grumpy like a just-awaken baby
after a long sleep & then nature is calling.

Still i go on, for what its worth
I don't have the faintest idea about
what's going on in my life right now,
excess happienss is something make you cripple,
like this?

Yet there's no realization
of own self-esteem where I can
know & see that
I've accompolished something worthwhile
today.
That feeling is one of the most irritating feeling
a grown man can ever feel in his life.

And
I move on.
From endless horizon to dark walls.
Tired, discontent, hungry,
A hungry mind knows nothing but food.
Obesity is undefined in his dictionary.

Days go by but I'll never forget.

Universe is small?

Last night i was outside of my apt,

and i was watching the up above to sky

and i thought,

how small our life is 

while i see some stars blinking that probably does not exists 

at this very moment 

anymore.

Our Universe, 

Milky Way, 

Our galaxy,

everything is infinite.

Even how much do we even know about

the unobservable universe,

beyond the reach of the strongest telescope in the world.

beyond the reach of the inter-galactic spaceships we built,

or will be building.

Isn't it fascinating and equally ironic to know that the light from the smallest, most redshifted galaxies originated maybe roughly 13 billion years ago,

while we ponder upon the memories from last year!

Talk about mathematical comparison between the two, huh?
and when i look at the event horizon at night,

i feel so relaxed and calm

unlike i used to feel 

when i was child 

and i used to look at the stars

and wondering 

what and where the hell am i looking at?

And if you start considering Multi verse,

how many this piece of crap 

exists elsewhere?

P.S: Its kinda obvious how small our earth is, if you consider the enitre (observable + Unobservable) Universe, the position of our earth is like this :

Universe -> Observable universe -> Large-scale structures -> Virgo Supercluster -> Local Group -> Milky Way Galaxy -> Orion Arm of the Milky Way -> Gould Belt -> Local Bubble -> Local Interstellar Cloud -> Solar System

 -> Earth

An abstract Labyrinth called Friendship

Friends are like Wine, the older the relationship, the better.

Friends are like Lipstick, the formality is easy to wear off.

Friends are only human, they can sometime falter.

Friends are pain in some places, always ready to piss you off!

Friends are like piece of your mind, wavelength's has to match,

Friends are like a Shrink, will surelly know when you itch.

Friendship is like a huge door without a latch, 

Friends are always ready to be the irritating bitch!

Friendship is like an ocean, the vastness is not comprehensible at once,

Friends are always couple of cups of coffee away from you,

Friends are nature's way of keeping you away from dunce,

Friendhip should be like a shirt; torned ones are easy to sew.

Thanks for being my friend in good and bad days,

Nothing i say can show you how greatful i'm,

So let's do the simple thing instead that says,

"let's continue to have some jagged memories in tandem".

Poem: Amalkanti by Nirendranath Chakraborty :

Amalkanti is my friend,
We did our schooling together.
He used be a regular latecomer in class, not good in study,
when asked about some word-meaning,
he used to be looking at the window, dumbfounded.
Then we felt really bad.

Some wanted to be master, some doctor, some lawyer.
Amalkanti didn't want any of that.
He wanted to be the sun-beam.
The shy sun-beam of rainwashed, crow-drenched afternoon,
Which sticks around the leaves of rose-apple like a chuckle.

Now some of us are master or doctor or lawyer.
Amalkanti couldn't be the sun-beam.
He is working in a dark press.
Sometime he comes to see me,
We drink tea, chit-chat for a while and when he says "I have to go."
I give him send-off until the front-door.

Among us who is the Master,
He would've been the doctor,
Who wanted to be the Doctor,
It wouldn't harm anyway if he was a lawyer.
Still everyone got their wish fulfilled, except Amalkanti.
He couldn't become the sun-beam.
That Amalkanti, who used to think about sun-beam,
and one day wanted to BECOME the sun-beam.


This is one of my fav poem of all time - somehow the concept was really intriguing to me, we want to be a lot of things, but probably nobody wanted to be sunbeam!

ekta khola chithi akaser kache.

With due apology to all my non-bengali-speaking friends, once in a while i feel an urge to write something in my mother toungue which i can't simply ignore right now.

amader jibone anek kichu notun abiggota hoi jegulo amra sob somoi thikthak bhaabe prakash korte parina kintu tar mane to ei noi je segulo sotyi noi - segulo nijer modhye amra feel korte pari na ?

ekta ektu kom sona ekta anyorakam ekta gaan sunchilam - gaan ta jani naa kono karone amar bhishon priyo "Arjun Sen" by Jotugriho...

"tabu aj din chole jai, sohorer opare,

protidin mon more jai, protidin... prantore,

bhenge jai swapnera andhare.."

prithibi ta sotyi e boroi nisthur, se kono kichu r protikha kore na - ekta duto manus r mrityu tar mota chamrai dag kate na , kar jibone ki dukho kosto - take casually katiye diye dei ... and life goes on... pore thake jara - tara darwin dadu r twotto poreni ba porle o bojheni! 

amader ei ekta jibon e beshi somoi paaoa jai naa anondo korar , sutorang jibon katano r jibon take upobhog korar modhye anek parthoyoko theke jai.

sutorang amra amar dukho kosto niye mon kharap kore bari te bose thakte pari, atahba segulo bhule giye khola akaser niche cricket khelte beriye porte pari . ami dwitiota korchi - what about u?

Niagara and 1000 Islands, New YorkNiagara Falls, 1000 Islands and En route - many places in NJ, PA and NY

Niagara and 1000 Islands, New York

Once in a while u need to wash away your fatigues and i don't know if any other falls is better than Niagara in doing it for you aautomatically!

Weekend is baseless unless you spend it absolutely erratically!!

Weekend is the lost desert from your weekday's dinner.
Life is pointless if you planned your life during these time,
It's time for enjoyment of your heart to soul, both outer and inner.
Feeling of relaxed journey in your own way is worth not more than a dime.

I feel alive every weekend, and afterwards a zombie to be,
reincarnation such as this is boring but a must have for my life.
Pointless laziness is the point of having a weekend to me,
Haphazard erratic thoughts are the output of a weekendified life!

Weekend is baseless unless you spend it absolutely erratically!
Weekend is four-dimensional, time flies before you know it.
Weekend is beautiful if you looking though the window philosophically,
Weekend is romantic if you are spending it with someone distinct.

An Echo of this seems like Déjà vu all over again!


P.S: Well, this is just some realization, some retrospect in how i feel about life at weekend, did not able to cover all the aspect, its just a gist of gist of everybody's life. since i am writing it in weekend, i am becoming hypocrite in a some way - so more description might be available on a weekday's post!!

A funny way of looking at my life in a plagiarized music-maniac fashion!

I feel like Loosing myself (not like Eminem),
into the "High Hopes" of my peers.
Not a "Zombie" yet, but somehow it seems like "Comfortably numb".
I wanted to get out of "Cloud number nine",
to show everyone that "I'm alive!".
But i couldn't find "the reason" and now i'm "Crawling in the dark",

So "Here I am", this is me;
"The tide is turning" and the I am trying to “Coming back to life”,
So from now onwards I will be optimistic until “Evening falls”,
I will wait for “My December”,
And remember “All the things she said”;
But try the attitude of “Don’t worry, be happy”!

“In the end”, I will think about “My Immortal”,
I will try to feel the “gravity of love”.
Without it, “My life is for rent”, I feel so “numb”,
It’s a “Mad World” out there, and there are “No Apologies”.
Yet “nothing else matters”, because I have “my love”,
Only how I wish, how I “Wish you were here”.

Poem: Still life goes on...

In every human life,
There are some moments when one is sad and depressed.
Frustrated from every zone of life.
And feel like leaving everything and going away.
Still life goes on.
Some memories in which
one is wrapped with tension,
One wants to get out of here,
and fly high in the sky.
But can't run away, and still life goes on.

Some moments in which
the loved one hurts other's sentiment,
One needs a support, a shoulder to cry on,
But doesn't find one, and still life goes on.

Some moments in which one gets life,
or so intensely hurt that one wants to die,
One wishes to end their life
At that very moment, but still life goes on.

And in each life there will be one day,
when there is a deadlock,
And then the people cry,
and try to show that they are concerned.
Then the questions arise,
Are they going to wait for one's death,
To care, to understand the one.
If so, then wait till death but until then,
Life goes on.

AND I CALLED HER A FRIEND……(by mistake??)

Its usually said that people remember their school life forever….those are the best days in a man’s life.Well,I do remember those years of growing up…..albeit for all the wrong reasons.Be it for some tyrant personalities or for being lonely among the crowd of thousands of people dressed in similar fashion,school days literally haunt(and taunt) me till date.
Well,it was on one such days that I found a girl…..a friend.To say it without boasting,I enjoyed being at my best in academics at school.I enjoyed the lonely position a step ahead of others in class.My friend was close behind but could never be at par…..she cringed at every mistake she made that widened the gap between us.I silently(and sometimes not so silently) expressed a deep satisfaction at every such point in school.
However destiny had things planned otherwise.Like the bse stock market my slide from the top had to happen sooner or later.And the inevitable happened sooner than I expected.I slipped once and my friend never allowed her opportunity to slip.With amazing determination and focus,she moved forward and with surprising laziness I never tried to stop my downfall.Well,the gap between us widened again,but this time our positions had changed.
What changed everything for me was that this time the gap created a void between our emotional bond……a space which has drifted us apart for ever.Was it she who avoided me or was it me who did’nt want to face her?Well,I am certain it was me.Wonder why?Aha,that’s easy to tell.After school I completely lost all ties with her(why do I say after school?).But she made sure that I come to know whatever she achieves in life.She boasted,her family was no less!I ducked her phone calls-she came to my house!She made sure that I know every step that she takes in her indomitable pursuit of success that she began so many years back,leaving me behind.
I wonder does she do all this purposely,only to make me feel the lows that I made her feel?? Had she not got her revenge,yet?I lament that these actions of her has soured our relationship to an unimaginable extent.Well,you might wonder why I am complaining,why am I so bitter about something that I inwardly know is my due…..well because of the fact that she makes me suffer the same way that she perhaps had many years back….I am no one to judge her but then why is she so hypocritical by calling us friends.What sort of a friend would do these things and keep repeating such things??C’mon she can tell me face on-I am not afraid….bring it on.And then maybe someday in future I will happily delete this post from my blog!

Waiting?

Tired,
Sleepy,
Dreamy,
one more day passing away.
Aloof,
Indifferent,
Careless,
just like other 364 day?

Affection,
Love,
Understanding,
some adjectives with some meaning.
Distress,
Moody,
Stubbornness,
some more with lot mote sense.

This life, this night, this earth,
These people, this work, this holiday,
Could i care less?
Every people for himself,
Every raindrop is not as beautiful as dew,
There's nothing much to tell
but
I will wait for you.

Anti-Metrophobic

Friday Night
Music on
Fireplace lit
Sky full of stars,
Omnipotent personality
Plagiarism sets in
Go away.

Put some coat on,
Go outside
Feel rain in your skin
My love for you
is drenched,
Washed away,
like glass of water
in Atlantic ocean.

Satire is hyped,
Love is boring.
Genophobia is overrated,
Life sucks.
Cynical feeling
around Pink's wall
Go outside
Get a fucking life.

Black sky prevails
wonderful midnight
1 mile walk
its Saturday already
goodbye psychophobia,
grabbed a spoon
missing you

Life rebooted
waiting has began
sleeping time
insomnia is past
Dream on.
See you soon,
Are you awake?

A funny way of looking at Fun!

What is Fun? How do you know that you are having real fun and not like one of those dumb cartoons which is forcing to make you laugh, but really you want to roll your eyes and get out of here. Its funny that people has different perception of fun, what is funny and what is not.

I used to know one friend who used to go poor villages and spend one day with little children, playing with them, teaching basic stuffs and helping them out - either monetary or other way. And he used to say that it's fun for him ! Now that makes you think how broad can the defination of "Fun" might be, if you know how much peculiar and different people can be.



Fun is also sense of humor, its a common saying that you loose everything if you loose your sense of humor! I believe that I am having fun with whatever i am doing, as long as i am with people I love - i care about. Now that's not actually the well-known definition of Fun, but i can live with this definition. So this angle of vision is also kinda fun - isn't it?