Poem: Still life goes on...

In every human life,
There are some moments when one is sad and depressed.
Frustrated from every zone of life.
And feel like leaving everything and going away.
Still life goes on.
Some memories in which
one is wrapped with tension,
One wants to get out of here,
and fly high in the sky.
But can't run away, and still life goes on.

Some moments in which
the loved one hurts other's sentiment,
One needs a support, a shoulder to cry on,
But doesn't find one, and still life goes on.

Some moments in which one gets life,
or so intensely hurt that one wants to die,
One wishes to end their life
At that very moment, but still life goes on.

And in each life there will be one day,
when there is a deadlock,
And then the people cry,
and try to show that they are concerned.
Then the questions arise,
Are they going to wait for one's death,
To care, to understand the one.
If so, then wait till death but until then,
Life goes on.

AND I CALLED HER A FRIEND……(by mistake??)

Its usually said that people remember their school life forever….those are the best days in a man’s life.Well,I do remember those years of growing up…..albeit for all the wrong reasons.Be it for some tyrant personalities or for being lonely among the crowd of thousands of people dressed in similar fashion,school days literally haunt(and taunt) me till date.
Well,it was on one such days that I found a girl…..a friend.To say it without boasting,I enjoyed being at my best in academics at school.I enjoyed the lonely position a step ahead of others in class.My friend was close behind but could never be at par…..she cringed at every mistake she made that widened the gap between us.I silently(and sometimes not so silently) expressed a deep satisfaction at every such point in school.
However destiny had things planned otherwise.Like the bse stock market my slide from the top had to happen sooner or later.And the inevitable happened sooner than I expected.I slipped once and my friend never allowed her opportunity to slip.With amazing determination and focus,she moved forward and with surprising laziness I never tried to stop my downfall.Well,the gap between us widened again,but this time our positions had changed.
What changed everything for me was that this time the gap created a void between our emotional bond……a space which has drifted us apart for ever.Was it she who avoided me or was it me who did’nt want to face her?Well,I am certain it was me.Wonder why?Aha,that’s easy to tell.After school I completely lost all ties with her(why do I say after school?).But she made sure that I come to know whatever she achieves in life.She boasted,her family was no less!I ducked her phone calls-she came to my house!She made sure that I know every step that she takes in her indomitable pursuit of success that she began so many years back,leaving me behind.
I wonder does she do all this purposely,only to make me feel the lows that I made her feel?? Had she not got her revenge,yet?I lament that these actions of her has soured our relationship to an unimaginable extent.Well,you might wonder why I am complaining,why am I so bitter about something that I inwardly know is my due…..well because of the fact that she makes me suffer the same way that she perhaps had many years back….I am no one to judge her but then why is she so hypocritical by calling us friends.What sort of a friend would do these things and keep repeating such things??C’mon she can tell me face on-I am not afraid….bring it on.And then maybe someday in future I will happily delete this post from my blog!

Waiting?

Tired,
Sleepy,
Dreamy,
one more day passing away.
Aloof,
Indifferent,
Careless,
just like other 364 day?

Affection,
Love,
Understanding,
some adjectives with some meaning.
Distress,
Moody,
Stubbornness,
some more with lot mote sense.

This life, this night, this earth,
These people, this work, this holiday,
Could i care less?
Every people for himself,
Every raindrop is not as beautiful as dew,
There's nothing much to tell
but
I will wait for you.

Anti-Metrophobic

Friday Night
Music on
Fireplace lit
Sky full of stars,
Omnipotent personality
Plagiarism sets in
Go away.

Put some coat on,
Go outside
Feel rain in your skin
My love for you
is drenched,
Washed away,
like glass of water
in Atlantic ocean.

Satire is hyped,
Love is boring.
Genophobia is overrated,
Life sucks.
Cynical feeling
around Pink's wall
Go outside
Get a fucking life.

Black sky prevails
wonderful midnight
1 mile walk
its Saturday already
goodbye psychophobia,
grabbed a spoon
missing you

Life rebooted
waiting has began
sleeping time
insomnia is past
Dream on.
See you soon,
Are you awake?

A funny way of looking at Fun!

What is Fun? How do you know that you are having real fun and not like one of those dumb cartoons which is forcing to make you laugh, but really you want to roll your eyes and get out of here. Its funny that people has different perception of fun, what is funny and what is not.

I used to know one friend who used to go poor villages and spend one day with little children, playing with them, teaching basic stuffs and helping them out - either monetary or other way. And he used to say that it's fun for him ! Now that makes you think how broad can the defination of "Fun" might be, if you know how much peculiar and different people can be.



Fun is also sense of humor, its a common saying that you loose everything if you loose your sense of humor! I believe that I am having fun with whatever i am doing, as long as i am with people I love - i care about. Now that's not actually the well-known definition of Fun, but i can live with this definition. So this angle of vision is also kinda fun - isn't it?

A boring un-poem with more boring not-so-catchy title!

Procrastinating is something i am really good at,
I have been doing it for years now.
Commitment is something i used to fear the most; something very unlike of me,
Now i know that was one form procrastinating - a very serious kind.
Life is a journey where in each step you choose some form of commitment,
either you know it or you don't.

Friendly atmosphere is something i am always looking for,
Not particularly xenophobic though, still change is something i generally resist.
Self-proclaimed dreamer, this form of me worries about the unknown future,
not knowing that every moment can be transformed to ice-cream if you know the preparation.
Or you are screwed, royally!

Love is something i always thrived for; not knowing the ramification,
And whenever i find it, i realize i was not looking for it; rather it was looking for me,
feeling of love and care are how you refresh your memory from day-to-day dust,
Being in love is like being in a metro: a claustrophobic but comforting journey,
with unknown destination.

Contingency plan for this life...

Lets face it - life is a cruel, cynical joke in which we all get insulted in a humorous way. So it will not hurt to say that life has indeed a great sense of humor - its just that its dark humor, its black humor, its a dry sarcastic one which some people will not appreciate at all. Consider the facts for a while and you will know i am not being sarcastic here at all, most of us will always feel that life is not treating us well - grass is always greener on the other side. If you have money, you can buy anything but you can't buy satisfaction, unless you consider a big house, a Porsche and a huge bank balance even after these two is satisfaction, in which case there's no point reading this crap (which is crap anyway!) beyond this snippet!

Well said Fred! So what now? Where are we? Lets revise the plan "B" - the Contingency plan for this f#$@d up life, where everyone gets to do whatever they really want, not what they pretend they want. Pretending goes well with laxatives, unless you already proved to be a universally accepted fully certified unambiguous moron, in which case pretending is an allegorical euphemism for real commitment problem in every aspect of life. In our normal life we come across lots of such morons who only exists to complicate your life further. Big deal? In plan "B", lets eradicate them, not by actually killing them, bu overpowering themselves by making yourself a bigger moron! Everybody can be a pain in the rear end, its just need a erratic mind with a bizarre angle of vision. In our normal life we get hurt from the people we love. In plan "B", lets make sure that we choose people who will get hurt (i didn't mean physically!) while trying to hurt you. And if you choose the wonderful policy of "ignore the insults, remember the compliments", true heaven is indeed a place on earth.

And do u know what is the biggest plan ? Lazying, Procrastinating, bullshitting, laughing, living ur life to the fullest without worrying much about the contingency plan, if you are happy with the way you are, every plan is worth to have it. Let's forget planning and start living, shall we?

Hapazard thoughts coming from a tired mind.

I came back from office and find myself locked out outside - our apt key seems to be tired of working and thought of taking a "kitkat" break for an hour. So i was waiting outside - i was sitting in the staircase and was thinking about the bitch called life - my 25 year's funky life so far. Tired mind is a wonderful nest of bullshit thoughts and my not-so-young mind is certainly not an exception! Suddenly i wanted to compare my current life with the life back home - what would i have done if i locked myself outside like this and i knew that what exactly i could have done, at least 3 friends of mine in the neighborhood would have assumed what can be the result.

Its the sweet cool breeze of the lakes near my folk's place is what came to my mind - don't know why but suddenly i wished i was there, wondering around the entire neighborhood as i used to do. I wanted to take a break from this life for a moment and just thought of sitting in the school ground in my locality with a Bacardi breezer in hand, it seems that happiness can sometimes very very cheap, provided you have the capability to lower your expectations to the point which has already been satisfied!

i know what i need. i need a good night's sleep. But is that all? Maybe, Maybe not.

If these words were people, I would embrace their genocide.

If these words were people, I would embrace their genocide.

http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=banish

not much to say - just check it for urself.

Late realization...

Dawn's darkness is the start, i always like to see the twilight,
Shadow the day is the source of energy transformed into daylight.
Illusion is psychosomatic equivalence of a mirage,
Life is fun; as long as you know the difference between home and garage.

I love being philosophical, but sometimes it's just not right,
As i walk into outside to see the moonlight,
I realize why we love being sad, being unjust,
The feeling of discontent is stronger than human lust.

Happiness gives the need of euphoria, so to speak,
Love gives the meaning to life, so you have someone to pick,
everybody has somebody, and yet nobody owes anybody anything,
Morning dew is the best thing to show you the excitement of tingling!

Life is not just some colorful orientation film for a new class,
It's every moment is utopia, if you have the right sunglass.
Its fun having fun, i am just here to cash in,
Let's start leaving life without having to lean.

Late realization is better than nothing at all....

No...not again

I was busy(read gloomy) for the last few days...so did'nt really have the time to upload a post.But today I sit here with all hopes shattered...with all beginnings stopping over a dead end.Perhaps I am at an all time low...I am lonely among friends and family and wanting to avoid everyone on earth.I had hoped that this year would bring in hope and much enthusiasm for the future....but I have actually started wondering whether I have made the cardinal sin of demanding more from life than it actually has in store for me??Maybe I was hoping for miracles that,as always, did'nt happen?Do I really have a future in what I have endeavoured in doing for the past one year?Will my targets always remain elusive?
I live everyday in the fear of something omnious happening to me.....I have also become outrageously superstitious and a lazy believer of destiny in the meantime...small things like wearing my right socks first or even using a blue pen while writing have never affected my life in this way before.I know I need to get over this fast otherwise that dangerous disease(read depression)will surround me with its strong nasty roots!
But beware!I am not writing this praying for sympathy....I have actually learnt a lot during this phase and one of them is that the best person who knows you is you yourself....so I am the best judje of what I actually can do in life!Guess I just need to have a strong mind and put up a brave face to all my future adverseries.

Signing off for the day while gearing up for a fight against all DEVILS!

I mourn her death

I start my first blog on this New Year remembering the most significant incident of the year gone by.....THE ASSASSINATION OF BENAZIR BHUTTO.This is my attempt to pay homage not only to a great leader but also to a great fighter.........a fighter against oppression to humanity,a fighter for democracy.This horrifying incident has afeected me personally in an astounding way...I must confess I have not been an out-and-out admirer of Bhutto....but it is her courage that struck me the most.Her decision to stay on and fight for her people despite repeated theats to her life only showed that her ambition was not for the highest office in her country but also her indomitable fight to restructure the ruling system in the country of her birth.
'Benazir'-means the one without an example.She hails from one of the most prestigious political families of Pakistan.Her father Zulfikar ali Bhutto was a former PM.He was hanged by the military regime.Zulfikar ali was survived by two sons,but it was his daughter who was destined to carry the Bhutto Baton forward......and how well she did.Representing the People's Party of Pakistan(PPP),she was elected the first woman PM of an islamic nation in 1988.However,due to corruption charges,and many other unavoidable circumstances she had to sacrifice her seat to Nawaz Sherif in the middle of a second term.She and her husband Zardari were sentenced to 5-year jail terms.It was then that Bhutto decided to go into exile...only to slowly rebiuld her support group outside Pakistan just as she had done after her father's death.
As far as her personal life is concerned,she is remembered as a carefree and funloving person,often enjoying cruise rides with her handsome elder brother during her stint at Oxford.She created a great impact as the Pak PM's daughter during her visit to India for the signing of the Shimla Agreement Between the two countries.She did not take a single day maternity leave during the birth of her son in 1988.......not because she ignored motherhood but she believed that her win was important for the people of the country.There are those who remember her as the 'Lady who gave birth in Office'.
I consider her to be one of the greatest patriots-one who laid down her life unflinchinly at the service of her country and her people.Once in a lifetime does a country get a leader like that....however,there are many who think otherwise and her brutal killing is a finger pointer at that.People draw parallels of her life with that of Rajiv Gandhi.....both burdened with huge expectations on young soldiers,both forward-thinking inspirational leaders and both killed at a time when they were the frontrunners for the post of PM.But I consider her work more difficult-mainly because on one hand she was considered an outsider(mainly an US 'ambassador' for democracy)on one hand and also Pakistan's only hope for democracy.So convincing the already existing beaurocrats of her will to do good must not have been easy,neither coming back from exile after 8 long years.I salute her as a great woman,but more so because of her outstanding belief in power of the people.
However,after the death of Bhutto where does Pakistan stand?I am informed that the PPP will now be chaired by her 19-year son Bilawal Bhutto.He inherits the glamour of Oxford,but does he inherit his mother's drive....her passion for the people and the country??Well,only time will tell....but time will also tell whether Bhutto's dream of a Democratic Pakistan was indeed an UTOPIA?"Democracy is our revenge",she said.

(Source of informatoin regading her personal life and political career:The Times Of India)

A rhetorical piece of promise for another new year...

Finally, the end of another mundane year and the beginning of the next. Another year without my most favorite ppl on the earth, another year with almost nothing to be thankful for. Still optimism is something I always strives for, so i am happy with whatever life has given me this year, whatever fun & enjoyment I got. Another year with immense progress of science, we almost have invented computers that can think like human being, probbaly the only thing in which people will be better than computers is irrational & erratic behavior, unless, of course they invent a psychotic computer! We really feel like driven by technology, so if you are unable to ride a swing, the first thing you look for is a manual override! With all kidding aside, I can honestly say that i'm learning a lot - the only skills I have the patience to learn are those which have no real application in life. Story of my life, it is.

There are some things I'm grateful for, one development that i am thankful for(so far), so the year wasn't that all bad. Hope I'll be able to be these confident the next year also.

Another new year, a new set of rules, new optimism, new friends, new form of laziness, new life. This year will also pass & I'll be come up with another set of resolution. Wish you all a lazy & surreal new year!

Until the next draft.....

THE BEAUTIFUL BEGINNING

We wait each day for a new beginning……a new ambition,a new motivation.From the very early childhood,I often used to daydream.About what,you could ask.Well,from seeing myself scaling the heights of Mt. Everest to speaking to the ETs,from flying a fighter aircraft to winning the Maths olympiad!(well,I now think the first 3 were still weird to say the least.......but winning a maths olympiad,wow that was sure some guts to even dream of.......I am eternally terrified of that subject!).I did not notice when I had started to pen down all these in my notes.........its fun to read all of them...the greatest days of my childhood,the fondest and saddest memories of school and college,the times when our family came together to celebrate.....I had shared all those with me for more than 12 years now.
As a person,people around me say that I come across as ambitious,too serious and very down to earth(Wow...I must say I have hidden my dreamy part of me well).Okay,enough of self-praise(actually I am my personal favourite......a narcissist you would say).I consider myself sometimes stubborn,at other times impatient-I often fail to judje the implications of a rash action.As far as my beliefs go,I am an outright feminist,a believer in hard work and compassion.I am also a strong believer in the powers of the Almighty.My hero?The legendary Mrs.Indira Gandhi-an outstanding example of equal passion towards work and family-the truly balanced woman.Much ahead of her times.I consider her as Mentor.However,much nearer to home,I consider my mother a great tutor of life-I have learnt a thousand different things from her,in every aspect in life.Her never tiring energy in pursuing the best that life has to offer......her care for the family.....her selfless nature-i consider it all super-human.
I have often been eluded by targets and struggled in the pursuit of it....but suddenly when I hav achieved it all,I had failed to cherish it.I don't know why.But still I do not give in-u could call me obsessed.....but I will say I enjoy life like this and I try not to give in to its tests.I live life entirely on my own terms-cherishing my freedom and sqeezing out as much as I can.
But today I am here to for a special reason-to follow up my childhood passion of writing(writing anything I want for giving expression to my inner self.......n sometimes also writing nonsense in the process).I look forward to a very BEAUTIFUL BEGINNING of a new chapter in my life and a long lasting relationship with ZION-THE UTOPIAN WORLD AROUND US.

...And the Chrismas we spent together

Sitting in my balcony,looking up at the star-studded sky,I recollect his face.Almost nothing was noteworthy,not even worthy of a second glance-had it not been for those eyes,those large dark eyes.You could see his world thru them,you could visualize his inside,his thoughts,feel his pain and sense his restlessness.Initially I was often apprehensive of his cheerful gait,of his continued philanthropic interest in being the messiah of problems in others’ lives.But slowly when I got to know him this hesitation faded. I realised that all these were not the results of self-imposed hypocrisy but the prolonged pursuit of that one cherised goal in life-that of happiness.We bonded well in the days of my college.He was not an outstanding academic but a great enthusiast.The originality of his ideas and the penetration of his vision often left me awestruck.There was never a time when a person associating with him would leave empty-handed.
A Christian by birth,he celebrated Christmas with his family with great enthusiasm every year.The festivities continued till the beginning of the new year.He was always visibly relieved to finish off that December sem at college as he had to rush off to help his cousins in all kinds of preparations.It was the last year of college and quite a few of his friends(including me)had been invited to the festivities at his home.I did know much about wine,but with a little research here and there,I managed to pick up a fine one.I was greeted with the warmest welcome ever in my life.
It was a huge house-they were a family of professional lawyers.They were rich and famous in the city.His family members ranged from a 90+ to even a 6 year old(and they were literally uncountable).He switched several roles that evening-from that of a careful host to a cheery friend,of a babysitter to his nephews to that of a bartender.The most amazing thing was that he managed all of these with a natural prowess and a handsome smile.
I guess he was the only one in the party through whom the meaning of the occasion outshone-the celebration of giving unto those who do not possess what you have.He spread the message of the Lord like fire but without a deliberate and conscious effort.His unconditional love and care towards everyone and anyone made him special.Did he need any specific time to celebrate Christmas?-I wondered.
Some said I over estimated.I had no time to listen.Time was flying fast-he had so much to give,and I had so little time to grasp them all.For the first time in my life I found a true tutor of life,hope and love.He taught me to envisage life as a gift with too little a span to have any bitter feelings.He taught to forgive unflinchingly.How wonderfully in harmony he was with his natural self-he exemplified the meaning of ‘other’ in my life.I learnt to think and listen with compassion.He brought me to peace with my inner self.His only moments of pain and restlessness was when he saw others suffer.
Today when I recollect all these,I won’t say he has left a vacuum in my life.Rather I would say his vision still fills every corner of my life.Many said he was too magnamous from outside,but I realised that the simplicity he practiced was too unreal to believe from a distance.Many said he was too ordinary,but I realised that he was only an ordinary being with his mere extra-ordinary qualities.He will remain etched in my memory as an outstanding example of the beauty of life.

Just another dystopic verse ?

The year is almost over now, just a few days to go,
The promise is almost wore out now, with nothing left to show.
I am looking at the perfect sunshine now,
Feeling like deja vu, another set of vow.

Children are dying all over the world,
Stories of war, lie, crime and insanity are the topics not too old.
Life is too cheap and ambiguous for us,
Hell is just another place for a time-pass.

I think dystopia is too costly right here,
When no one even care to shed a tear.
Its time to start nurturing, start deciding our fate,
who knows, tomorrow might be too late?

Its time for the new year resolution for me,
touch the heart of another nihilist to be.
Love unconditionally, and xenophobia is too much to take,
Its a new start, its a new horizon, just I need to learn not to fake.

From now on, i will count the dots in my own way, indeed.

One more Christmas with no gifts to ask for...

Its Christmas time , though I am not really a religious person and I
know Santa Clause is not real (so I don't have to pretend to be good
so that I get some present!), but still Christmas is a happy season
for me. Mostly because we have long weekends and I LOVE long weekends
– four days to spend at home, doing nothing – relaxing – life can
never be more interesting than this! You know, with a traditional
weekend of two days, I am enthralled on Saturday and sat evening is
the best period of my life, knowing that tomorrow I don't have to get
up early! Then Sunday comes and I can do all the nothings I wanted,
but deep inside I know soon it will be evening and that means the time
is almost up. But with a long weekend, I don't have to be mourn for
that – I know I can mourn at the fourth day ! I know this is very
simple thing and you probably thinking "what's the point of writing
this one?" , but again only a blind man can understand another's pain!

This morning I had a wonderful dream. I was dreaming that I am in
countryside (should have been somewhere nearby) and all the roads, the
valley, the trees are covered with snow. It's looking fantabulous and
there's no one but me in sight. I faced with a dilemma between skiing
and sledding (actually it was not actually a dilemma at all, 'cos I
never tried any of them!)

Christmas is the best for one more reason – Its not one long weekend,
its two! Oh My God! Can anything BE much better than this? Christmas
is time of happiness, I know for some people happiness is just a
snowflake in the peak of winter season, but again its angle of vision
is all that matters how you differentiate a wonderful day with its
monotonous counterpart! The next best thing is new year and so its
time for new year resolution. I always take this resolution thing
pretty seriously, sometimes I even decide to make same no of
self-improving resolution as the year we are in, this way I already
have one less resolution to come with!

Wish you all a merry Christmas, for me its again one more Christmas to no gifts to ask for...

The waiting has began...

When you really like something , when you are doing really something interesting, it does not matter how long are you stuck, you would want to finish the work. Interest is all that matters, as if it is directlyproportional to the no of hours spent on a particular thing, be inanimate object or the opposite! I love technical work, but checkingof the alignment of data and formatting it in a 1000 row excel sheets what drives me crazy – I feel like let's make a day and kill someone so that I get to enjoy the freedom (irony of the day would that be, though!). Today when I look back at the days I had in my not-so-important-at all life so far, I feel like Calvin - "Why isn't my life like a situation comedy? Why don't I have a bunch of friends with nothing better to do but drop by and instigate wacky adventures? Why aren't my conversations peppered with spontaneous witticisms? Why don't my friends demonstrate heartfelt concern for my well being when I have problems? ...I gotta get my life some writers."
Its finally Friday and that means two more days to spend doing all the nothings I've always wanted. Spending weekend is only fun when you don't plan and spend it, you will feel like there is a lot of things you could have done but end up not doing anything at all, and still its like doing a lot, because deep inside you know the moment Monday morning comes, if have to go someplace, either an institution or the next worse thing (job) and you will end up doing some work; somethingf or somebody else and somebody else makes you do that is not going to make any difference to anybody if you don't do it. Sounds like philosophy of spoonerism, but it's the common real life hard-fact truth!
It finally weekend, and its going to snow soon, and i just found out that its already started, so euphoria is something i can vividly describe, but its not complete - I am not satisfied, because i am missing some people who are close to my heart.

"While the days slipped by from my window watching,
because the things you say and the things you do surround me,
while you were hanging yourself on someone elses words,
dying to believe in what you heard,
I was staring straight into the shining sun

Lost in thought and lost in time
While the seeds of live and the seeds of change were planted

I took a heavenly ride trough our silence
I knew the waiting had begin
And headed straight... into the shining sun." - Coming back to life, Pink Floyd


The waiting has began...

Resuming the social (or blogological) duties - Take One.

I will make a difference from now on. I will actually, finally, at last do what most people do – what the blog was all about – a web log – so to speak. Because I am too lazy to write something on hard paper? No. I do – just they are not public – not yet. But it is not only because I would love to read this crap after 5 years (I am optimistic about life and pessimistic about it’s counterpart-as you might notice!), it is also because It would give me some thinks to ponder upon, some idea to materialize while I listen to some pleasant music and have a cup of hot chocolate with marshmallows on top! Boy ! Isn’t life just dull without the toppings (in each aspect)? Today is just a starter – its just the beginning. From now onwards I will bore you with the common mundane things of my life – our life, because without that I can’t spread the bad mood and as Calvin says; “Nothing helps a bad mood like spreading it around!” Enough intro – lets get down to business.

Today was just another day – so far. Mundane things at work, meeting, configuration, blaming, helping, stuff like that. Nothing special, nothing bad also. I walked from home to office – it was a nice cold and rainy morning – you would enjoy if you don’t have a heavy bag at your disposal! But again, if you don’t tire out, what’s the fun of walking ? Then in the evening when its time to do a bungy-jumping to home (and not to New Zealand), the road was covered with fog, like the morning’s rain was vaporizing; as inappropriate the comparison might sound, it was really breathtaking, I can assure you. Got enough spare time here, so finally I could resume my once-fav pastime of book-music-movies trio (I am just kidding – music was never out of the picture), I have become a member of the local library –they have awesome collections of book and DVDs also – though I am running out of DVDs more and more but still – its really worthwhile to occupy me whenever I feel, you know, depressed. There was one more thing which is to cheer me up – ice cream, but I haven’t tried that since I came here and yet I am surprisingly upbeat!

You know what’s really bug me? Calls late at night and they are not personal call at all. And yet the cruel irony is when the going gets tough – the tough gets going and if you really know me – the defense is the best offense for me because I am a vegetarian when it comes to hurting people, specially the ones I love. And now I am in my room – listening to Scorpion’s “Wind of Change” and thinking about the cruel irony – “is it really going to change at all? Where is the GOD who I don’t believe, give me some sign of snow – don’t you know its end of November? Am I really going to use the ice from the freezer to start a real good snowball flight? But to think about it, all the people who would really care about the snowball fight are so far away that the ball would melt before it reaches them – 1000 times !

Yet, I am surprisingly upbeat – you know why? I would be getting a laptop soon – bought (that is not technically correct, because the friend who paid for me – I am yet to pay him) and I am hoping it wouldn’t get lost in the morning traffic of New York City to Long Island! How small and mundane things to feel happy about it, isn’t it? But when you are homesick and you have alternative pleasant and rough day at your life and you know you have to smile because the worst is yet to come – paranoia is worse than feeling happy about minor composure. And see , they are making Dosa! I guess I will see you around in the blogosphere, maybe tomorrow, maybe not.

Aren’t you bored yet?

An unorthodox analysis of knowledge in a not so typical New Yorker's diary!

"...... Till i'm no one again...

Await the light
embrace the darkness
and scream out to the sky,
watching life pass before me,
And the world I have inside,

I've seen the world, lived it all,
Seen it thru' my eyes,
The blinding shades of laughter,
I can see here as I lie,

As here I lie.......

......HERE I'M NO ONE AGAIN"

--------- "Till I'm no one again, Parikrama"


Once upon a time i used think that knowledge is bliss. The more you know, the more you can share, and the more your skill will grow. Knowledge is of different type, some is useless knowledge, some is redundant and some is crap but again importance of something can be totally depend of perception and u know how people are - they only admit greatness when some authority confirms it!

This is not another memorandum of an indian who will waste a couple KB of web space and 1 hour time to tell you how great is America and how wonderful or blissful the experience is so far!As per Metallica, i can tell - "What i've felt, What I've known, never shined to in what i've shown". So this is an abstract depiction of an abstract idea called difference of knowledge that i have gained so far.

It's been almost 1 month now i'm outside of my four walls of familiar territory, it's not like i haven't been like this before. But that was for 3 months and most importantly i was not alone, some of my best (or worst!) friends were there with me. This experience is different altogether, notr because it's on a totally unkown country, not because it's different situation, but mostly because i don't have people around me i am comfortable with, people that i can click with! And forget about the irony that before coming here i didn't know anybody in here, not even by their face! In a way, it's a wonderful experience - i always like to meet new people and new culture bla bla bla... but deep inside it's still different, i am just trying to be indifferent, at least pretend to be. It's hard, 'cos i can't pretend sometghing i don't feel, but sometimes white lie is better than total pandemonium!

Life goes on. It will be for at least one and half years now. I know it. I just don't know that i know it. Not yet.